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THE MOVIE

There are three kinds of people in the movie making business, One who believe in Werner Herzog theory  of  “Read, read, read, read, read, read, read, read, read, read, read, read, read…if you don’t read, you will never be a filmmaker”,
Second are those who believe in what Jean-Luc Godard said  “All you need to make a movie is a girl and a gun.”  
and third are the people who believe that movie making business is all about how much one can afford. Nothing else matters, not the story, nor the cast, neither the purpose, nothing else. if you need just three people but can afford a thousand, I say take them and this applies to every aspect of film making.
keeping the third theory in mind I have come up with an excellent blockbuster movie plan. The  movie right now is on papers and nothing is finalized not even the name but I know it is going to be a big block buster and so will you when you see my plan. The reason I am sharing my ideas with you today is that I need finance which I am sure you will provide when you see what a great movie I have scripted. So without much ado I present to you
THE MOVIE
Cast and Story 1
As I have mentioned in the pic, main lead 1(some newbie) will die, but not before he comes to know that his father is not his real father, a detective tells him so. Mean while real father for whom life till now was nothing but happy hours will be tearing his hair in frustration. Grandpa who will come to know of this secret will spread the news cos he is old and has a weak bladder, but later regret( of course).There will be two guys, the neighbour who will laugh at this news because the main lead used to park his vehicle in this man’s parking area and also because this is what villains do and another ( happy man ) will laugh at this news but later be fired and he will be all- I want to kill the main lead( second villain).
 Then there will be an ass ho73 who will be here for no reason other than the fact that he is an assho73. Japanese guy , Yo guy  and the Guy in the hospital will provide much needed comic relief.
Then a man will die in pool while the other won’t , all of this will be seen and taped by a mysterious man and someone will lose his marbles.
Toondoo1
OK so as explained in the pic, lot of people will die and the gardener will be one of the main villains cos she used to work in an office but was fired cos she was too hot, so too avenge her humiliation she now wears ‘hardly anything’  and works as a gardener in the person’s house who got her fired, but the person doesn’t recognize her cos she now hardly wears anything.

also there will  be a hot girl trying to touch her toes ( a tribute to yoga) every now and then and a hot yogini who will kill the girl cos she was killing her business. Then there will be grandma who will be too happy that grandpa spilled the news and now she can finally divorce him. And the gossip girl will tell the neighbours that the main lead’s ( actress in lead role)  father in law is not the real one and the real one doesn’t want to be any part of this family and the neighbour will then come to the main lead’s house and laugh and say told ya and die.
And then there will be a dog ( not in the pic, idea hit me just now) who will kill all the villains and recognize his master who after third plastic surgery looks much better but can not see, hear or speak.
Note- there will be 13 songs, two with the ‘hardly wearing anything’ gardener and three with hot yoginis and the fight sequence between hot yogini and the girl trying to touch toes will be, once a hit,now forgotten dance form called The Snake Dance.
also there will be a song where the dog will emote the lines through his eyes and the people of the island will cry and try to fix the plane and carve a tunnel in the mountain with bare hands and eat rotting bodies.
Rest of the songs will be wherever we can put them
wish you all a great week ahead and those who wish to sponsor kindly mail me at matasoma@emptypoket.com or call 1800-whose-spleen-is-that.
 This post is protected by voodoo spells.

Merino’s Bahh

Hello fellow Earthlings. How are you people doing, still pushing each other to get in the lift first or may be fighting for/over  some piece of land! Well good for you, keep up the fight because you are clearly going to live forever.
Me!! umm not so, cos I know I will be going back to my home planet  Zazaburra soon, where no one is born and no one dies, we are just a planet full of small Glow worms spreading light through our bums and singing the bumbum glee songs.
bumbum glee bumbum glee
my bum is twinkling
oh can’t you see
oh can’t you see
why can’t you see
I am a bumbum glee……oh such a beautiful song
More about me and the song in some other post,some other day when it is not raining so much and I can think clearly without having spiders, snakes and zombies taking refuge under my bed and making all kinds of noise.
For today’s post I would like all of you to meet Merino, my new pet cartoon sheep. Why Cartoon, do you ask?
Well for one I live in this huge small building and that I know is no place to raise a real Sheep and second I heard Merino is a blogger. Tell me friends, is there anything better than a cartoon sheep who blogs!!!
And I admit ( with sheepish grin) having a pet minus the feeding, cleaning after, sounded so heavenly when I adopted Merino.
 You see I am not a potted plant kind of person. I have tried many a times but failed miserably every time to keep the plants green and/or alive. And one of my friends who works at the Hilbilitoopoo state something asylum told me Meds, Straitjackets and the padded white rooms are keeping me from loving plants and hence I should not be keeping a pet. And yet I found a pet to pamper in this huge small building, isn’t it incredible!
Me and Merino
Back to Merino, as I told you earlier, he is a blogger.
He named his blog ‘The Bleating Log’
( Merino somehow got this idea that BLOG is short for Bleating Log and nothing I said could convince him otherwise)
Today I am sharing one of his poems, hope you like the poem and encourage Merino to write more :)
~Unraveling at seams~
I  had a bad dream last night
I dreamt that I was beautiful
crimped and elastic staples
lovely Kemp, beautiful fleece
and then came those nasty things
nasty things called human beings
they reared me
they sheared me
and took all my wool away
now I look weird
now I look weird
Those clothes, those sweaters
they are all me
they are all me
and I want discount from Macy’s
Unraveling at seems

Unraveling at seams

~thank you
Copyright 2013@BleatingLog
and before I leave you wondering about twinkling bums picturing me and the awesomeness that will be, let me tell you Merino is a huge fan of Stuart Art. There is nothing STU can’t do, says Merino and here is what Stu had to say about Merino’s poem-

The Bleating Log

Met a leaping dog

On his way to herd

‘Creak’ said the log

For it had no mouth

And the dog simply barked

Which meant ‘Merde!’

It was a French dog.

~Stuart Young~

Har Har Hyena

Every time a politician makes a speech, a hyena dies laughing
laughter is contagious, isn’t it? you see someone laughing loud or uncontrollably for some time, you will start laughing or smiling too. This is what laughter yoga is based on too!!
 They say a good hearty laughter is good for health , but I have seen people getting scared of my laughing avatar , which may be because when I laugh I look like a witch with sinister plans bubbling in the cauldron of my head. 
Can’t blame the scared ones, for 99% of times it is some mischief brewing up  or already taken shape, which makes me break into long hearty spells of laughter. Got to admit I laugh a lot, so when I post LOL in any of your blog posts, I am actually laughing at that time, hey I can multitask!
hyenas, now why would you ask about them, how strange!!!……..oh sorry I started it.
so why does a hyena laugh, well there can be many reasons behind it.
like how they are not affected by the unreal hike in prices of commodities or never ever have to buy a house…
Do you know that the word hyena is derived from a Greek work hyaina which means pig!
Did anyone ever ask the pigs how they felt about this whole issue? No.  And this is why Hyenas roll with laughter even more.
cool-cartoon-6455933
Then there is this whole origin confusion which is very hyena funny.
I mean at first no one knew what they were, including the hyenas. They had characteristics of the civet cat then they decided to be dog like then wolf like then cheetah like and now they are more of bear like..whoa this should have had the entire animal kingdom lolling for rest of the life time but i guess only crocodiles and hyenas found it funny and tortoise just hid it self into the shell.
cool-cartoon-6455945s
and if you don’t think these are reasons enough for a hyena to laugh wait till you know about their his and her thing!
The genitalia of male and female hyenas are strikingly similar in fact the other day a bull who couldn’t tell the difference ended up asking a male hyena for a date..
 The Male Hyena agreed and they are in a complicated relationship as per their Facebook status, but let’s keep it for another post.
I know why Female hyenas  laugh, they are bigger than the males and they have three times more testosterone, whooaaa super girls, yay
go FEMALE HYENAS :)
Hey who can tell me why do the giraffes have long neck?
I can I can
err you asked the question Monica
but I know the answer! It’s because when hyenas meet they greet each other with one leg up smelling each others private part which is very gross and this is the very reason why giraffes prayed to god for years to give them long neck and spare them all the ugliness….it is funny you know to meet like that…. yeah I am gross too. No I don’t smell people, I meant funny as in  ……never mind
Still worried that hyenas are not laughing for right reasons?
Did you know hyenas have the ability to digest the entire body of  their prey: bones, horns, hair, skin, even teeth. Zero wastage!! whoaa of course they have the last laugh and to help them ornate every occasion with laughter they have very big heart, literally, 10% of their body weight is heart so they can afford to have a real hearty laugh whenever they wish to!
cool-cartoon-6455959
And last but not the least even God wanted Hyenas to laugh.
don’t agree!
well the Hyena babies are born with teeth!
see I told ya, this proves two things, God wants Hyenas to laugh and second he loves crocodiles.
Of course there are people who would say hyenas don’t laugh because they think something is funny. Why You Sheldon Coopers!

Anyways it turns out the “laughing” is actually a noise they make when they are excited or frightened.  Nervous laughter, now don’t we all know about them…
My dear friends now that you know all you ever wanted to know about hyenas you must be happy and all set to laugh for laughter doesn’t need no reason or season and let’s admit it’s always fun to scare people with loud prolonged laughter.
Have a great day and do not forget to watch the video.
©2013 somkritya.wordpress.com

Today, Now, This very moment this World needs You

We‘re all water from different rivers That’s why it’s so easy to meet, We‘re all water in this vast, vast ocean, Someday well evaporate together.~ John Lennon

I see people, people all around me, not dead, alive, walking, talking, dancing like normal human beings would. But they are not humans, just human like, they see and hear what they want to and filter out things that would disrupt their normal happy earning lives. Filter out cries of help, signs of destruction all around. Till one day the inevitable knocks on their door.

Inevitable, because when you do not stop the dark from entering your planet it reaches your skies, when you do nothing to stop it there it reaches your soil, when you continue ignoring, it attacks the air and water around you and then with force and power of hell it knocks on your door and doesn’t even wait for you to respond, it invites itself and leaves it’s footprints on every fiber of your being.

And you wonder what happened, It wasn’t supposed to touch you, Your life, You did nothing wrong, then why you?  You Ate, Worked, Slept, even Prayed on time, then why you? You start blaming questioning God and everything around You.

You wonder why none of your neighbours/passersby came to help you, why the others who were there, so near could not hear your pleas for help..why?

A gazillion dollars worth reality television is based on the human nature to snoop and poke nose into others matters. They/we love to know who is doing what, when and where.which actor did whom or dumped which sorry ass for whom.

What the girl and the boy do after the lights were turned off, oh the lying scheming  bitch in that T.V series, oh that two timing ass%%$# in the next.

The  secretly taking a peek at others fb profiles and their friends profiles, the hush hush discussions why Mrs. X left her home, why Mr. D’s daughter comes home so late from work..

Endless topics floating all around in the wind for you to catch them up and start your own entertainment program.

Yet when Mr. Z’S daughter was screaming for help on the road, no one came out to help, no one heard or saw anything when there still was time and of course all of a sudden everyone around realized their boundaries, limits and oh should we poke our nose in others matters?

She died three days later with severe burn injuries, there goes your weekend!

All the shouts and muffled cries from the door across the hallway  goes ignored till one day you get to know the things you imagined did take place and you come out of your house get together with others and start the I knew it discussions

Trudi Canavan – “It is said, in Imardin, that the wind has a soul, and that it wails through the narrow streets because it is grieved by what it finds there.”

Wonder why no one came to your help when the Dark knocked on your door?

imagesCA4PMPAH

I see people busy 24/7, willfully staying ignorant, deaf and blind to everything around, whatever helps them to enter others lives just enough to enjoy but not so much that they would have to help. JUST THE WINDOW NOT THE DOOR

You wonder
You wonder why
No one came to
Your help
Because this
Sphere you live in
Sista
The sphere called
Indifference
Doers are hard to find
few have
The conscience
Needed to act like a human
And that is why
No one came to
Your aid that day
That is why
No one ever will
Oh I feel for you
I feel sorry
That’s all I can do
Cos I have a job
Have a home to go to
Have got no time for you
Hush hush now
Muffle your screams
Don’t knock on my soul
Don’t make me feel guilty
You were there
You were there once
Where I am now today
You should understand
How annoying it is stop
And help when you are this busy
And this is why
No one came for your help that day
And no one ever will…..

I see people who-won’t ever help-will expect help-hate those who will tell them that they should get up and do something too….I KNOW YOU.

You tell the doers to mind their own business, You don’t understand they are!

You hate the doers because they don’t give up on you and keep knocking on your soul doors to open up, to learn to be human again, You hate them because they keep dusting, drawing attention to things You would rather forget or pretend never existed.

Hate them as much as you want to but stop throwing your duties in the garbage bin, stop assaulting your soul and others lives in name of rights, hate them with all you have got but join them, stand up with them when it comes to saving another life, keeping our soil clean.

Our area, Our country, Our world is/should be Our business. So you can threaten them, give them nasty looks, but doers won’t give up, cos believe it or not one day you will need people like THEM who will knock on your door or stay with you extra minutes just to make sure you are ok

and I am hoping that day doesn’t come, I am hoping you join us before that. ..

There are good people out there, YOU are one of them too , But you need to wake up to see how good you are. You And only you have the power to change this scary reality.

Please wake up.

wake-up-and-live

©2013 somkritya.wordpress.com

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