Zuckles,Zonita Zand Zee

We worry about what a child will become tomorrow, yet we  forget that he is someone today.  ~Stacia Tauscher

I know the title of the post is self-explanatory but want to share more.

When my daughter was 2-year-old we noticed the only way she would play with anything and everything was to line them up …no matter what she had, cars, toys, shoes…. They all would fall in same line and then the game would end. She never used to play like other kids…this was when we started noticing other things and then came to know about her Autism…we were told most of the autistic kids don’t or can’t pretend play….you know how we would take a comb or a pencil box and act as if it were a phone or a microphone and talk.

Most of them( Autistic kids) will have no idea what to do with a car or a doll ….And we were told by the doctors and special educators to teach Bonita pretend play…..that is wroom with a car,or dressing up a doll,make up,pretending to be doctor,or teacher etc…and age appropriate plays and language.

And this is how our journey to Zonita began.

[I was quite a naughty kid and I always thought Oh all these brilliant naughty ideas and no one to share with….and look at Gods mysterious ways…he must have really loved my naughtiness for now he wanted my daughter to learn them and that too from one of the best in the business.]

Our pretend play sessions were full of mischief and laughter (otherwise what is the point) like this one time we pretended there was water in the room and we swam across room and fought with crocodiles and a snake.

Oh there were so many things we did…One Day I told her we both have to talk loud as we are in a market and there is too much noise all around, And then next time we whispered as we were in jungle surrounded by dinosaurs

We still do a lot of things Crazy and fun.

One day we decided we will only talk in NATO phonetic Alphabets….Oh! that was tough and we could not continue it for more than half an hour ,For just to say “Bonita finish your food” meant

Bravo Oscar November IndiaTango Alpha Foxtrot India November IndiaSierra Hotel Yankee Oscar Uniform Romeo Foxtrot Oscar Oscar Delta

That was tough and we laughed more than we talked every time some big sentence came up

Anyways the point of all these were to introduce her to endless possibilities…having fun with whatever we had, teaching her to be naughty too….so in all these crazy moments we decided we will have alphabet days.

So on a B day every word would start with B

Bonita finish your food would be Bonita binish bour bood and then she would say bes bommy

One of the Tuesday afternoon after picking her from the gate where the school van drops off all the kids,we were in the lift and having this ‘B’ routine, there was one more kid in the lift.He must have enjoyed it a lot cos he told me Bauntie boo bar bo bunny

To which I said- Bank bou.Bi bam blad bou biked bit

He laughed and said this is fun I have to tell this to my friends

I asked him his name and he said I don’t like my name. That… that was the point I fell in love with his cute little kid…..You See I don’t like my name too ( It’s a long story will tell you some other day, Hope my parents are reading this ). So I told him I will call him chuckles cos I love the way he laughs. He laughed and agreed( and his names keeps changing Zuckles on a Zday,Nuckles on Nday)

Now I have to mention here,Even though we live in the same building Chuckles and I don’t meet that often due to different school timings

So next time we met it was a Z day and he joined in

Zello Zonita,he said

Bonita was happy to have a new Zriend and she said Zello Zuckles

Bonita told him she didn’t like one of her teachers and zuckles said that was normal and so on

And yesterday all of a sudden zuckles showed up at my door with his friends and asked me what day was it I said it was Zday and he grinned and said he loved Z

So all of us spoke about anything and everything in Z they laughed and rolled on floor.And told me they will have these funny days when they play.

Then one of the kids who was 6 years old said he hated math’s( he said Zi zate Zaths)….Everyone understood and sympathized

Then he asked me auntie can’t we live without learning math!

What??? there was a pin drop silent and all of them were looking at me And I was desperately trying to think of something clever.I said I didn’t like maths at all ( I really don’t) but some things in life you must learn, like riding a cycle…or learning how to swim…

How can math be like cycle zuckles asked?

Well, I told when you grow up you may  or may not need to ride a cycle but if you learn riding one you will learn how to balance and this will come handy in other things too…Similarly when you grow up you may not have to solve the same questions you solve now….But plus minus, multiplication, division, fractions…are the basic math which you will need in your day-to-day life.

So they all decided they will learn basic math ( atleast)except for one kid who loved math

Phew

So zuckles and zis zriends zaid zeir zoodzyes zand zent zaway

What a day we had…

Oh before I go… Today is Nday

No nave na neautiful nay nall nof nou nand Nake nare 🙂

Hugs,Smile and Chance- a fairy tale

I used to teach in a school, it was a kind of arrangement that worked out well for both my daughter and the school. They were taking good care of my daughter ( those days it was near to impossible to get an autistic kid in a normal school set up..still is but we are working on that) and I in turn used to help them out . During the short teaching career I taught science, geography, drama and dance. But my main job was to help out kids with learning disabilities( dyslexic,autistic,and other kids with learning difficulties)

following are just a few incidents from those days ……

“Fairy tales are more than true; not because they tell us that dragons exist, but because they tell us that dragons can be beaten.”   

  ―   G.K. Chesterton

life is a dance i said

every one dances

even the ones with two left feet?

asked a kid

cos I can’t dance

oh they are brilliant you see i said

for anyone can dance but to dance like you

now that is hard

the kid looked at me and then laughed and said

OK i will teach you mine and you teach me yours

so we danced to every music on the CD that day

he learned to dance pretty soon

and me oh i am still learning

its hard to unlearn you see 🙂

life is a song

every one sings i said

even the ones who don’t follow the beat?

asked the kid

cos i cant sing like others

oh anyone can sing like them i said

but to be you its hard will you please teach me

and we sang every thing we could that day

and the kid is now a lead singer in one of the bands

and me well it really hard to be that different you see 🙂

life is a drama i said

every one acts

even the one who freeze?

the kid asked i do well in rehearsals but

out in front of people i cant say a thing

oh its easy to say some lines i said

but to know what you can’t and ask for help is brave

let’s do one thing

start with helping others say their lines

and you stand out in open

and then slowly one day we will get you into the play

and the kid today is  doing pretty well in plays and debates

and me oh well i cant freeze i just have too much to say all the time you see 🙂

ever wondered how a little encouragement

and warm smile makes such huge impact on a kids life

well try it

don’t force anything on anyone

just a friendly push is all that they need

some will start early

some will be late bloomers

some will do it in no time at all

and some will take months

but they all have something

all they need is patience, hugs, smile and chance

we can give them all that

can’t we 🙂

Autismland

All my life I have believed in three things dreams, hard work and value of time.

you dream your dreams

you work hard for them

and then the time plays magic

and paints your world with them

I truly believe if you want something real bad and work for it with whole heart and soul universe creates some magic portals just for you to make it possible:-)

you need is faith and patience

It’s this faith in dreams that made me ready for most of the things in life…like the incredible journey of AUTISM with my daughter

Journey of Autism is paved with adventures and magic.

The very breeze that caresses us,

the  sunshine that falls on us carry with them keys to open new doors

they inspire and encourage us to do more

show us the power of  perseverance and patience

Its like knitting…. or solving a puzzle

or may be something more complicated like peeling onion layer by layer

but does it only bring tears???

nope not if you understand your child

and know how to see the world through his/her eyes

Learn that language which will bridge the gap between you two and create this unbreakable bond of trust patience and love

It has taken a long time to gain Bonita’s( my daughter)  complete trust in me..

I stood by every word I said …small and big promises I made

I understood what she said but more of what she didn’t but wanted to..

and things that made her happy and/or irritated her.

of course there have been failures and set backs but then isn’t it same with every journey..you win some you lose some..but what matters really is what you did after you lost… did you spend days crying over it got up and made the best of what you had …

 I have still a lot to learn but for now I want to share what ever I have in my pocket

when I am around Bonita and now it has become more of a habit even when she is not there that I don’t care about being all age appropriate or what others will think or say..cos some people will stare and talk rubbish..but when you succeed in something same people will be clapping so forget them and do your best.

we play,dance, sing,paint on each others faces, make weird hairstyles ,act like diva from hell… snapping fingers at each other and being loud, laugh, study, fight..oh its a madhouse and my house is mess but we are happy:-)

but it’s not just fun there are some things we have had to learn fast..

one thing which every one should avoid is power play which takes you no where and is such a waste of time instead we should find a way.. some other route to reach where we want to…

Another important thing is watch what comes out of your mouth…yup every thing..

every thing you promise…if our 5 minutes is going to be half an hour then a kids five minutes may take two days…so practice what you preach all the times…..seriously you can’t expect your kids to be all prim and proper when you are a huge pile of mess..behave your self first..

raising a kid is quite a journey

the work, long hours is second to none

but the success depends how well you

blended the hard work and fun:-)

another important thing is even if your child is hugely gifted don’t over do things…….

In one of the school functions they made the school choir( my daughter is a lead singer) sing some 10 songs…but after 3rd song all the kids were so irritated and although they kept singing but they were making faces, two of them just left the stage,one of them started howling out the song and had to be taken out of the stage and my daughter ….oh man she was singing but the expressions on her face….they were priceless….it was funny and sad both…

Then there are those sensory issues like cutting hair,or nails..they take time, lot of kids are scared of buzzing noise of bees and well as the welding machines so if they get hyper check out for noise…..and try comforting them and/or do something to cut the noise.

But one thing I am sure a lot of kids hate is that even if your child is a chubby little angel from heaven don’t treat them a s teddy bears..some people suffocate kids with hugs, kisses and pulling cheeks..kids don’t love too much of it …seriously and no kid likes cheek being pulled..at least the ones I know hate it…

I  can go on writing a hundred things more but one thing which is important will always be-

know your child,spend more time with them

your kids are watching you all the time take good care of yourself if you want them to have a good future

you don’t have to be their best friend but be there in their circle so that they have the comfort of knowing you are and will be there when one day or time they will need you

Before I go I want to tell few Lil things to every parent with a kid with autism-

1) Search  in you and find a hobby…you need one …anything painting,dancing,blogging whatever soothes your nerves relaxes you..but do something just for yourselves.

2) some need therapy,some need pill and some need both therapy and pill but for any of it to work you have to accept your kids and come out

3) Autism is not about what you did, it’s about what you do next,…so make smart choices take help early intervention works wonder

4) try spread awareness about Autism around you but don’t get angry with people who don’t get you…( if someone is rude, then its exception) but otherwise before letting out that angry outburst ask your self how much do you care about kids with cancer,kid who is blind, or even normal but orphan kids…we care about autism because autism is family but would you have cared this much had you child not being Autistic?? 🙂

This post is a bit heavy I know …will keep the rest for some other time

Till then hugs and happy 13 Friday..

Hey do remember to avoid anything 13..like 13 flavours of ice-cream in one cone..did you say you don’t,,,, really!!!

you mean no body does it..wow .OK I didn’t say that:-)

Autism Child-From the Same God

Custom made perfect kids

Were never in God’s plan

Just in case you thought

Why me?

Why my kid?

It was us being unrealistic

Forgot the rules of the world

Forgot how every butterfly is different

Forgot how no two things are same in nature

And still there is acceptance for all

While all kids are Gods paintings,

Kids with special needs are his modern art

While all kids are Gods poems

Kids with special needs are his free verses

While all kids are Gods songs

Kids with special needs are born when he raps

Oh yes God raps and tap dances too

But you have to have an open mind for that

So next time you think why me

And go in denial for long

You blame the god for this and that

And think he has been wrong

First thank him for a child born

For that is a gift in itself

Thank him for the uniqueness

For that is God’s way of showing

He still has faith in us

 

More time you will take in accepting

Precious time you will waste

And while God may forgive you

For Your ignorance and delay

Time my dear will not

If there is any doubt

About you kids behavior

That you are having today

Get some help

As soon as you can

Meet a special educator

And chart out an action plan

 

It is Ok to feel sad sometimes

But don’t get stuck up for too long

And look at you kids when in doubt

It has not being easy for them

So pull up yourselves and be ready

You have to make your kid independent and strong

Your kid accepts you for what you are

They love you in spite your shortcomings or faults

Show them the way

You will be surprised

How much in this process you will also learn

Embrace your child with all your heart

Support them, be part of their life

Understand what they say and when they don’t

And see the wonders of love.