Monthly Archives: October 2011
I now present to you the talk of the town Mr Page
His looks are deceptive; please don’t be fooled by his age
He lives alone in a house near to his office in front of a park
He has far too many enemies for he is a loan shark
Before I tell you more let me put a disclaimer
Now days anyone can sue you, even a lamer
So if there is any resemblance with anyone dead or alive
It’s a mere coincidence, have checked all archive
Mr Page as you read this, is now in a court
Facing a trial bravely and holding on to his fort
Lawyer asked him if he would promise not to lie
Mr Page told, truth it shall be, till he would die
Not only was he a loan shark whose guts every one hated
He spoke in rhymes, even when he debated
All he did was to threaten people all the time
He made them sound ridiculous adding punches and rhymes
When the lawyer asked, ‘Mr Page can you show us how you rhyme.’
He replied, ‘ no sir this is neither the place nor the time.’
‘Besides I am not carrying any dictionary or copy of rhyme zone’
‘Watch what you say Mr Page’ said the lawyer, ‘I don’t like your tone’.
‘Order order’, said the judge, ‘I don’t want any rhyming in my court.’
‘I can see my lawyers have started rhyming too’, he added with a snort
‘Do you see Mr page what a bad precedence you have set’?
‘Why my lord how could I corrupt the court, ‘ said Mr Page, ‘ we have just met’
‘There you go, rhyming again even when I told not to’
‘Sir why are you so against rhyming I have absolutely no clue’
‘Mr Page, please stop.’
‘Sorry sir I will try to drop.’
‘Mr Page I warn you.’
‘I am trying, I am trying, and it’s hard! Phew’
‘A phew! Did you have to add that’?
‘Sir please, it’s all part of a chat’
‘Mr Page you are not helping’
‘Please my lord, stop yelping’
‘What! How dare you! Handcuff him and put him in jail,
No books, No net, No friends and No bail.’
So you see this how Mr Page landed up in prison
And for what, rhyming, which was certainly no treason
Funny laws, funny punishments, this certainly was a funny case
But the people were happy as long as they didn’t see Mr Page’s face.
My neighbour is sitting in front of me telling me a story
(got to give it a name, ‘her life so far and everybody else’s whom she knows’)
How long has it been, an hour, a day, eternity?
I don’t even know what she is saying anymore!
I lost her within ten minutes into the conversation.
Wait I heard 300, What 300?
The movie! Ah Gerard butler, love him (Law abiding citizen what a movie)
Why is she frowning? Did she ask me something?
What do I do now, god please help.
And trying to salvage the situation I reply, “Wow that’s amazing!” (Hope it is)
anything to stop that intense gazing.
And she smiles (phew)
She is now describing 3rd cousin’s 4th sis in law’s 2nd best friend
What did she say just now, step mother? Whose? She won’t leave anyone out of this monologue will she?
(Did she mean Step mom-Julia Roberts?)
If my hubby cheats on me or leaves me for someone else, I will kill him, in somewhat Dexter like pattern, how dare he…
What happened! My neighbour looks scared?
What did she see?
And then I look at my reflection in the mirror, oh my the expression I am wearing,
it’s funny and scary both!
Can’t blame me! My husband just cheated on me in my imagination.
What do I do she is still staring at me?
“Hey you know what I have always been a big fan of your smile and wow what a lovely dress you are wearing, amazing sense of style”, I say
“Oh thanks”,she says and blushes
“People often compliment me”, she gushes
And she is back to storytelling mode
I take second look at myself in the mirror
I don’t look friendly or warm at all
Why would then someone I hardly interact with come up to me to empty her brain?
(May be I am wrong, maybe I have this special power, I am
not aware of, which makes people to open up to me!
What if I open a centre where I can charge people per hour
for just listening to them that too without any interruption?
I think that’s what a psychiatrist does and I need one too!)
Or is this her way of showing contempt and hatred.
It has been long since I have been out in the garden
What is the time, oh how does it matter, it will only add to my discomfort.
Is my phone dead, why is no one calling me?
What if I get up and check my phone and then call on my cell?
Will she know?
And if I make it more obvious may be she will feel offended and never come again
Hey I can start doing flutterwacken too!
Wow sounds like a plan (and the plan makes me smile)
Problem is no matter how sinister my brain is, my heart won’t allow
So I let her continue for next half an hour, still my brain not registering any word thrown at me, I have to pay attention to what she is saying, what if she is speaking in some other language?
This must be it, that’s why I am not able to understand anything.
She is laughing now. At her own joke
I am sure it is funny
But with my legs almost half dead am not finding anything amusing anymore.
I laugh with her and say she is so funny.
She stops abruptly and stares at me
What! Did I say something wrong?
Was it not a joke? But she was laughing?
Why would you laugh if it weren’t! Unless you are completely insane like me!
She smiles again and continues her story.
She says something about park.
Hey I saw Jurassic park, loved it, but there have been so many dinosaur movies after that, Hate them all.
Except for that movie every dinosaur movie sucks.
When was the last time I went to see a movie?
It has been long.
The moment this woman gets up I will book a ticket to some movie.
Yes I need to get out.
What should I do to get rid of her in the politest way possible?
What if I take a bathroom break?
Yeah it’s my house and I got go.
How can it be misconstrued?
Ok here I go and then once I get there will pretend to get
an important call and emergency of some kind and try to restore freedom.
“Excuse me (damn forgot her name) …….Babe, will be back in a minute
Why don’t you check out the latest album I bought, it’s quite a hit”
Let the drama begin
“Hey I got a call from XYZ; it’s important, got to go, sorry can we continue some
May be over dinner here or go out, what do you say?”
She is looking at the chair behind and frowning.
Why what is there?
I turn around
Oh man this is bad, when did she come?
XYZ is sitting there.