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My Bad

My neighbour is sitting in front of me telling me a story

(got to give it a name, ‘her life so far and everybody else’s whom she knows’)

How long has it been, an hour, a day, eternity?

I don’t even know what she is saying anymore!

I lost her within ten minutes into the conversation.

Wait I heard 300, What 300?

The movie! Ah Gerard butler, love him (Law abiding citizen what a movie)

Why is she frowning? Did she ask me something?

What do I do now, god please help.

And trying to salvage the situation I reply, “Wow that’s amazing!” (Hope it is)
anything to stop that intense gazing.

And she smiles (phew)

She is now describing 3rd cousin’s 4th sis in law’s 2nd best friend

What did she say just now, step mother? Whose?  She won’t leave anyone out of this monologue will she?

(Did she mean Step mom-Julia Roberts?)

If my hubby cheats on me or leaves me for someone else, I will kill him, in somewhat Dexter like pattern, how dare he…

What happened! My neighbour looks scared?

What did she see?

And then I look at my reflection in the mirror, oh my the expression I am wearing,

it’s funny and scary both!

Can’t blame me! My husband just cheated on me in my imagination.

What do I do she is still staring at me?

“Hey you know what I have always been a big fan of your smile and wow what a lovely dress you are wearing, amazing sense of style”, I say

“Oh thanks”,she says and blushes

“People often compliment me”, she gushes

And she is back to storytelling mode

I take second look at myself in the mirror

I don’t look friendly or warm at all

Why would then someone I hardly interact with come up to me to empty her brain?

(May be I am wrong, maybe I have this special power, I am
not aware of, which makes people to open up to me!

What if I open a centre where I can charge people per hour
for just listening to them that too without any interruption?

I think that’s what a psychiatrist does and I need one too!)

Or is this her way of showing contempt and hatred.

It has been long since I have been out in the garden

What is the time, oh how does it matter, it will only add to my discomfort.

Is my phone dead, why is no one calling me?

What if I get up and check my phone and then call on my cell?

Will she know?

And if I make it more obvious may be she will feel offended and never come again

Hey I can start doing flutterwacken too!

Wow sounds like a plan (and the plan makes me smile)

Problem is no matter how sinister my brain is, my heart won’t allow

So I let her continue for next half an hour, still my brain not registering any word thrown at me, I have to pay attention to what she is saying, what if she is speaking in some other language?

This must be it, that’s why I am not able to understand anything.

She is laughing now. At her own joke

I am sure it is funny

But with my legs almost half dead am not finding anything amusing anymore.

I laugh with her and say she is so funny.

She stops abruptly and stares at me

What! Did I say something wrong?

Was it not a joke? But she was laughing?

Why would you laugh if it weren’t! Unless you are completely insane like me!

She smiles again and continues her story.

She says something about park.

Hey I saw Jurassic park, loved it, but there have been so many dinosaur movies after that, Hate them all.

Except for that movie every dinosaur movie sucks.

When was the last time I went to see a movie?

It has been long.

The moment this woman gets up I will book a ticket to some movie.

Yes I need to get out.

What should I do to get rid of her in the politest way possible?

What if I take a bathroom break?

Yeah it’s my house and I got go.

How can it be misconstrued?

Ok here I go and then once I get there will pretend to get
an important call and emergency of some kind and try to restore freedom.

“Excuse me (damn forgot her name) …….Babe, will be back in a minute

Why don’t you check out the latest album I bought, it’s quite a hit”

Let the drama begin

“Hey I got a call from XYZ; it’s important, got to go, sorry can we continue some
other day.

May be over dinner here or go out, what do you say?”

She is looking at the chair behind and frowning.

Why what is there?

I turn around

Oh man this is bad, when did she come?

XYZ is sitting there.

About Soma Mukherjee

I often say things that put me in a jam, Jams go well with Buttered Toasts, Toasts are great hosts, Ghosts not so much, Although they can dance, Not all dancers are serial killers, Serial killers do not use Body bags that often, body bags aren't leak proof, Proof is in the Pudding.

8 responses »

  1. very funny. why didn’t you just stab her? continue…

  2. Thanks All for such generous comments and Govind ji wah i love rhymes and what a fun comment

  3. A very lovely post
    on how you played the perfect host
    and you have a blog you can boast
    for which humbly I raise a toast. 🙂

  4. Excellent stream of consciousness. The inner monologue is very realistic. I was reading this post and thinking, yeah I do that all the time.

  5. what a neighbour and what a story teller,but it seems a true story.


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