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Daily Archives: November 16, 2011

How to survive The Blaberibloohahaians without being stupid

Another night another adventure. I only have to look under my bed( sometimes not even that). Trust me it has more crowd,action and life than the Vegas.
Some days its funny and enjoyable, specially when its scorching hot or freezing cold.
Thats the time when demons and witches hibernate but for the rest of the year its weird and creepy.
I have come to believe these wretched creatures are relatives of bugs and cockroaches.
Well their timing matches and so does the way they irritate us.
So here in the dead of night I wake up all sweaty and thirsty, was having a nightmare scary enough to give vampires some goosebumps .And as soon as I step down I am pulled down under the bed in that world and I am hoping this time escape will be easy.
First thing I hear are drum beats and then I see some blurred figures dancing around,what looked like a huge pot on fire.
is it? No it cant be! can I be in..no come on, no!
Oh man when you dread something and pray using the exact words “please god don’t let it be” just the opposite happens( 90% of the time)
“Hellooooo what do we have here”, I hear a deep baritone.
No its not your favourite star .
The man with that scary( sexy if he was not going to eat me ) voice is Chief Kankanchikua of the Blaberibloohaha tribe
They are/were not cannibals but the Chief lost in poker to a distant cannibal cousin and now for a day they have to feed on humans.
yes I am that lucky !
first for them first for me( remind me to remember being first is not always good)
Now cannibals wont wait before digging in but these guys thought of being creative,have been watching Master chef so someone yells we want good stuffing.
And the head cook literally starts shoving carrots,shallots,garlic,ginger,olive oil,sun dried tomatoes in my mouth…the usual stuffing. They wanted my stomach to be tasty.
In a dish they all taste good but when you are food nothing tastes good.
And raw ginger,garlic shallots were never considered snacks.
It must have been the effect of all the stuffing, drumming and what can also be called as a classic “when the stupid strikes” that I twinkled more than any star and told these tribal JUST ABOUT TO BE  cannibals..”hey legs and hand pieces will be dry how will you stuff them”
what the @#$% … did I just suggest a bunch of would  be cannibals how to stuff me??
The drumming stops and the tribal’s exchange troubled looks ,after all not every day your would be food suggests you recipes.
I tell myself- if you are done with being stupid use brain,this would be good time to use some . Even a milligram of grey cell used wisely will save your ass which needs some serious rescue operation.
And I say hey I hope you all have taken shots cos I have a disease which can pretty much wipe out your tribe.
They get all curious so I continue with whatever I could think of  and I tell them I was diagnosed with-
sinocervilumbarvertibralfemuraloccular dystrophy
Hey that can easily be a disease, and by the name of it any person diagnosed with it should be dead by now.
They want more so I tell them it strikes anytime and the patient starts “clutter walking” and chanting some ancient evil curse.
Clutter walking(verb) when your house is a Himalaya of mess and you walk as fast as you can trying not to step on the things lying around.
Try it you will know what I meant but you have to be really messy to get the effect.
And then I show them what to expect and blurt out what ever comes to my mind.
 
I stop take a deep breath and open my eyes hoping God still likes me
Hey where are the people?
My guess, every body just ran away except for the head cook who was so scared that he just could not move
I run faster than Bolt,reach the portal, enter the  password( yes there is one) for re-entry into this world and climb up my bed, snuggle in the comforts of blankets and stay awake rest of the night thinking about my next Facebook statuses and twitter updates.
You can’t stop working just cos you had a bad night. Yeah I am a fighter.
That night I learned a lot of things-
1) keep water by bed side
2) never step down without switching the lights on
3) when people are going to eat you, don’t suggest them stuffing’s.
4) stupidity kills even in dreams
5) people( even tribes living in some remote island) are scared of nonsense
6) imagination rocks
( This piece of information is extremely valuable as the name of the disease mentioned and the evil mantra clearly scares the bekikus out of the Blaberibloohahaians. Please do not use it on your friends just for fun, it may cause rashes,nausea,headache,blurred vision and fast heart beat)
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