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मन्त्रपुस्तिका ( book of spells)

अनाहूतः प्रविशति अपृष्टो बहु भाषते ।
अविश्वस्ते विश्वसिति मूढ़चेता नराधमः ॥२॥
(महाभारत उद्योगपर्व विदुरप्रजागर, अ० ३२)
Anahootah pravishati aprishto bahu bhasatey ।
 avishvaste vishvasiti moodhacheta naradhamah ॥
Taken from mahabharata,this verse means A wretched fool can be recognized by the following three characteristics – going to places uninvited, talking too much when not asked, trusting the unworthy. – Vidura, Mahabharata)
Bonita( my daughter) was diagnosed with Autism when she was around 2-2.5 yrs of age and when people around came to know about it some of them just felt we needed black magic or spells to “cure” autism.
someone told us to feed her the leftovers of a talking bird or parrot, or boil some pulses in a special bowl and keep in the southwest corner of house.,or keep a key under her pillow this will unlock her brain…or go to this baba or chant that spell…..the list is long as this went on for a while.
If you know me you will also know I listened to all of them, went home laughed over it and never ever tried any of those stupid things.( also it is a good thing if you slowly distance yourself from these people if they keep pestering you with unsolicited crap)
I mean I love my kid I can and will do anything for her but there is a limit to everything and superstitions have never been and are not going to be part of my life…..
That was then but now when i remember those advices i can’t resist a chuckle.
The reason I wrote this post today is because I am planning to write book …it will be about spells and how they make your life easy breezy and smooth. Also there is no harm in giving back to the society what I got from it …but before i can start the work I thought of  sharing some of my brilliant ideas with all of you and get some expert advice on whether I am going on the right track or not…..
The three most important things to know before you start reading this post
1) never make fun of spells
2) do not share your magic candles with anyone unless you hate them
3) keep a diary of spell you have used, for second time users there is a discount of sorts
who can benefit from this book
those who hate hard work or any work for that matter.
those who want to become famous by doing nothing
those who want to become rich fast and easy
those who want to smuggle or rob and never get caught
THE SPELLS
EXAM SPELLS
who doesn’t hate exams…..I don’t know who started this evil ritual or  what was wrong with that guy and why we burden our kids with it year after year,but since nothing good in this field is going to happen in our life time, might as well study. OR
Before taking a test or exam, say the following:

Today is my test
tests are like pests
teachers are worse
studies are curse
Get me an A,
cos so I say
Earth, wind, fire, and sea
As I  Say, So Mote It Be!”

* It also helps to draw a pentagram on your test  paper and write your name and phone number
INTERVIEW SPELL

Not only you are jobless and your dog gives you THE LOOK , no one in your family has ever being filthy rich so what are your chances,..Isnt it heart breaking that none of the rich people leaving millions for charity or their kids, have ever known you, being related to you or even considered you a charity case!!!

for all you poor people ( literally and otherwise) this is the least I can do for you

Before going to the interview place three grains of salt ( and I mean 3 grains using electron microscope or whatever)in a handkerchief  and put it in your pocket. when the interview is going on, distract the  interviewer saying hey whats that and when he/ they look somewhere else throw the salt into  the north corner of the room. Within three days you will have the job.

* it also helps if before leaving the room you leave a chit for them with the following written on it and oh never forget to draw a pentagram

give me this job you fool
don’t make me lose my cool
if I don’t get this job
you are the first one I will rob
earth wind fire and sea
as I say so mote it be

SPELL TO LOSE WEIGHT

I know I know I can see that eager grin so let’s get on to it

Take a piece of parchment paper and draw a pentacle in the  center and write the following under it-

Refrigerator how dare thee

Stay Invisible To Me

While writing concentrate on yourself at the desired weight you have  in mind. Attach the paper to the fridge, until you reach your goal. oh and yes secure your fridge by drawing a circle of salt around it

 SPELL TO INCREASE YOUR BLOG TRAFFIC

This is something I have made after going through some 100,000 old magic spells
if this doesn’t work you are in wrong body,country or planet, but its not my fault at all.
First choose a background with four candles on four corners of you blog something like this
Do not use this candle cos i have cursed it and who ever uses it will never be able to rhyme again
Once you have done it choose a header with pentagram or make one, but it has to be of your hair colour, in case you do not have hair,go for hair grafting and then start blogging.
Do not forget to get a witch widget and flaunt it on the top right/left of the widget coloumn
and post this mantra in your about me section
“I the owner of this blog
all set to sacrifice 25 frogs
give me more followers oh spell
may those who follow me never go to hell
Earth, wind, fire, and sea
As I Say, So Mote It Be!”
Now here is the thing, where will you get 25 frogs from and even if you do how will you dispose them off.You can donate it to a lab, but frogs will be cursed and there are chances students dissecting them will fail.
you can always dump them in a pond or river,but since the frogs are cursed pond or river may dry.
so the best option is get 25 e-frogs and drop them in an e-well ( doesn’t that sounds great)
and in 25 minutes you blog shall receive hundreds and thousands of followers
people will praise you…
so what do you think, should I continue writing the book,do you think it will be a best seller(  i mean of course it will be, i am not going to write a book on spell and not write a spell for its success)
How many of you are going to buy this book?
Are there any special spells you would like to see in this book?
and can you also suggest a good tittle for the book?
Wish you all a great day, and if you are wondering how..take some rock salt add in dragon blood and throw it  on every one around 🙂
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About Soma Mukherjee

I often say things that put me in a jam, Jams go well with Buttered Toasts, Toasts are great hosts, Ghosts not so much, Although they can dance, Not all dancers are serial killers, Serial killers do not use Body bags that often, body bags aren't leak proof, Proof is in the Pudding.

89 responses »

  1. Soma, this is an awesome post! I love the idea of your spell book and do believe it would be a great seller! Honestly! I love the losing weight and blog traffic spell. What a smile you put on my face to begin my day! Keep penning, my friend, and warm hugs to you! xo

    p.s. your daughter is a lucky little girl to have you loving and caring for her~

    Reply
    • 😆 Lauren you girls are just too sweet …I was obviously kidding cos if i do write such a book there will be people who will really try them out and as wonderful as the spells sound and seem they aint going to work then i will be in jail and then in politics,cos that is how things are here….hey wait this seems good may be i should write after all….
      Thanks Lauren 🙂
      hugs n love 🙂

      Reply
  2. silentfingers

    Oh soma please don’t mind if my comment here ins’t in anyway related to your post… Frankly speaking, I came here looking for a smile, as I am sure to find one here. But as I kept reading on (obviously with one on my lips) I couldn’t help myself but think how “curved the curve” on one’s lips would be, if they get to spend a day with you. lol

    Seriously you have a wonderful spirit in you, o’ great certified one! 😉
    Bless you and your little gem, Bonita.

    Reply
    • Thank you so much …for this lovely word hug..I just had to share this awesomeness that is witchcraft and superstition….what would the world be without them 😉
      Hugs n love 🙂

      Reply
  3. Thank you for sharing such enlightening words, young lady.

    Reply
  4. Fantabulous zsoma….this also reminds me of the days when i used to be this 10 year old girl suffering from severe stammering…….obviously embarassing…..and we used to have this never ending advices from several quarters regarding doing all kinds of unheard of poojas and say keeing things like artifcial toungue made of paper at every nook n corner of the house…..

    Huuggss to u Soma…..yeh aaj padkar babhut kuch yaad aa gyaaa……..

    Reply
    • arey andhavishvaasi dhongi log….inki sun sun ke kaan pak gaye….seriously…jaat paat faltu pooja paath se upar kuch dikhta hi nahi in bevkoofo ko….aisi logo ko dekh kar jo khoon khaulta hai…
      Thanks Mala ..

      Reply
  5. Blood-Ink-Diary

    Woo hoo Somi ! I am all spelled out ! I shall go for all the spells , my witty and charming spell booker ! Dragon’s blood and my Blood Ink — I can hardly wait to see what comes out of me!! Incredible post – you are so talented and a versatile writer. I think those people who offered spells for Nita’s autism, I think we really ought to cast a lunatic spell on them!! Lol. Love ya sis! Cheers.

    Reply
    • Oh Man Shaheen yours is already the finest of prose and poetry, cant imagine what will happen after dragon blood and your blood ink cast a spell…..
      I will be waiting for this incredible outcome too!!
      Thanks Sis, love n hugs

      Reply
  6. After some more thought:
    (1) Being in written in Sanskrit [or Latin or Pali or Greek …] does not make something special.
    (2) Being old in itself does not make something deep, meaningful, wise or valuable.

    That said, now let’s look at the Old Sanskrit verse:

    A wretched fool can be recognize by the following three characteristics:

    (a) going to places uninvited
    (b) talking too much when not asked
    (c) trusting the unworthy

    My son and I will go on holiday in Europe this summer. We intend to:
    (a) go to lots of places uninvited
    (b) talk too much, even when not asked
    (c) trust strangers who have not proven worthy

    I guess by Sanskrit ‘wisdom’ we are wretched fools — but damn if we won’t have fun.

    😉 ~~~~~~~~ 😉

    Reply
    • oh dear dear dear..is that what you got from the quote!!

      I love all languages and all of them are special..sanskrit, greek,pali they are not just languages they are part of fellow humans with whom we are sharing this planet.

      The quote is part of a conversation and i have used to describe certain people ..you would have got it had you read the first part…
      this is not about father son spending time together or talking to each other….as for being foolish i think we all are fools…or else world would be a happy ,safe and clean place

      Reply
  7. Soma, my dear, you totally ROCK! Wonderful, your book of spells. I think this would sell very well, no kidding–and they could make a TV series from it, of course! And just WHEN is the local WalMart going to run a sale on dragon’s blood, what with all this new demand coming in and them able to order in larger quantities?

    Reply
    • 😆 Rose really walmart guys are just too slow..here its available even in the library and pharmacy 😉
      Thank you so much Rose you are a darling 🙂
      hugs n love 🙂

      Reply
  8. You are a genius my dear! I liked the blogger spell the best. Just the thing I needed! 😉

    Reply
  9. Excellent work. I think a book like that would be a lot of fun. I certainly hope you get the chance to make it a reality. I might have to insist on a signed copy though. 😉

    Reply
  10. I am subscribing to this blog — your writing is fun. Today I wrote a post about a curse in my life. My style is very different from yours — I hope your style rubs off on me. (Do make suggestions on my writing and thinking if you get a chance).

    Reply
  11. Go ahead and write the book of spells – make it really thick and hard cover. If all else fails > we can at least throw the book at the badie…

    But seriously, I am a fan of Mahabaratha – so much wisdom contained therein…

    Reply
    • Ha ha ha Eric what a wonderful suggestion so true nothing hits like a hard cover book 😆
      hilariously awesome suggestion….
      Mahabhrat is one of the oldest thrillers…i think it has covered every aspect of human life …
      Thank you so much Eric i needed some good laugh today 🙂

      Reply
  12. What a spellbound spell somi. I dont know the ingredients /hidden composition of your spell, but the moment i finished reading your spell infested blog , and uttered your stipulated lines—wind,soil,fire &sea.
    drive out all ailment free .i got reed of all physical problem which was helping my doctor’s acquired spell of earning . A superb spell with deep sense of realistic humor.

    Reply
  13. Soma I think you have forgotten the power of LEMONS in casting spells.

    Reply
  14. Haha!
    Awesome! Loved it! 😀

    Reply
  15. Fun! Spells are hilarious.
    May I ask where you found the Mahabharata spell?

    Reply
  16. Oh, Magic Night that be,
    Oh, that all will see,
    The spells she cast are true,
    And made for me and you,
    The wise ones, sing her name!
    The wise ones, know her fame!
    Soma, Soma, Soma, we say,
    And a smile comes our way.

    The smile spell, to a brilliant and clever gal!
    🙂 Sam

    Reply
  17. What a well-rounded post, Soma! A great quote; commentary on the well-meaning, but misguided; a whole lot of humor to make your reader’s day better!

    Reply
  18. 😀 giggles loaded with every spell!!
    whoops, confession : I was thinking of trying them lol! 😀
    You are so very engaging Soma, and the best part about you…your boundaries of imagination extends one step beyond with every post you share…
    ummm…well…do I need to mention that? 😛

    Lots of Love,

    -Astha

    Reply
  19. Enjoyed reading! That must have been painful for people to say those things about getting rid of autism….I like the three characteristics of a fool…. so true. A fun read!!

    Reply
    • Thanks Terri ..aah it takes all kinds of people to make a world..at first it was irritating but then i started enjoying those..they were full of super imaginations..have to give them credit for that 🙂
      Hugs n love 🙂

      Reply
  20. I see that we read the same books
    does that make us sisters or simply a bunch of crooks
    earth, wind, fire and sea
    As i say so mote it be! 😉

    Reply
  21. I see that we seem to read the same books
    does that make us sisters or simply a bunch of crooks
    earth, wind. fire and sea.
    As i say, so mote it be! 😉

    Reply
  22. Oh shucks, I should never have taken that blasted candle. 🙂

    Reply
  23. I can’t believe people wanted to cure your daughter with spells rather than just love her.
    I think the book is a great idea and am all for it. You get it done.
    Love and Hugs, xx

    Reply
    • yay Deb I knew you will support me, what a great way to con people ..
      Aaah all kinds of fools in the world…but i did get some great ideas 🙂
      thanks Deb
      love ya 🙂

      Reply
  24. SPELL TO INCREASE YOUR BLOG TRAFFIC

    i think it is the best for all bloggers.

    Reply
  25. First of all I need to address those twits who gave advice about Bonita, they need a spell to stop their ignorance perhaps? I know you will find a good spell for the likes of them, too..Go Soma! 🙂 Count me in on buying your book, as of course you know I will always be a support…Long live your magical writing, so many smiles and laughs, too Soma. Now, I must end my comment…I need to go fetch some dragon blood and rock salt! 😉 🙂 Love and Hugs 🙂

    Reply
    • oh Gabby i got so many advices on spells and blah blah that at one point i thought i can open a shop of spells….
      thanks Gabby now i have to write the book of spells 😆
      hey go girl get your dragon blood and rock salt and start throwing it on others asap…it really works 😆
      big hugs 🙂

      Reply
  26. SERIOUSLY SOMA ? PEOPLE WANTED TO “CURE ” YOUR DAUGHTER
    EXCUSE ME BUT WTF ?
    SHE WAS BORN TO BE – JUST THE WAY SHE IS ,,,,,,
    BLESSINGS AND LOVE AND SERIOUSLY …… C’MON ……….
    SOME PEOPLE NEED TO UNDERSTAND THAT AUTISM AND ANY KIND OF DIFFERENCE DOES NOT NEED TO BE CURED …….
    LOVE XX
    C

    Reply
    • Oh Cat there are all kinds of people in this world…but the worst are those who live with their eyes and ears closed…
      i seriously thought some of them needed to feed on leftovers of girraffe to shut up 😆
      but every experience has its fun side too ….
      thanks Cat
      love n hugs 🙂

      Reply
      • SERIOUSLY !!!!!
        LOVE XX
        I HAVE HAD MY SHARE OF THOSE EXPERIENCES TO –
        I JUST LAUGH NOW ……
        BUT I FEEL VERY PROTECTIVE TOWARDS THOSE TO DO IT TO OTHERS –

        YOU ARE RIGHT THOUGH – IN THE END
        JUST LAUGH …….
        XX
        LOVE LOVE XOXOXO

        Reply
  27. Why not? It’s better than a lot of what I see on Amazon at times.
    Also, since it rhymes, if you sell it, you can also say you sold one of your books of poetry, or, at least, an anthology of poems.
    Those are Wiccan, right? (or picking on Wiccans, yes?)
    Scott

    Reply
    • ha ha ha Scott all of you are so sweet..supporting me like this..ya you got me i was making fun of all those wiccans..may have offended the great wiccan lord but i just find the concept of casting spells so funny..
      Thanks Scott 🙂

      Reply
  28. I love the idea of the book, you know I will buy it 🙂 Keep writing and get it done!! Dragon’s blood OMG I need to get some 😉 this is just so fun and shows again you wonderful sense of humor, Soma!

    Reply
    • Ya Autumn Dragon blood and rock salt just makes the day super fun ..plus you get to see a lot of people covered in salt and blood so its kind of weird and fun again…
      what else can we ask for 😆
      Thanks Autumn…
      Love n hugs 🙂

      Reply
  29. Hilarious, engaging and entertaining! What more could I want? 🙂

    Reply
  30. Wrirte book Soma,your book i this is you and your daughter………nigdy nie kpiłam z innych metod,bo najważniejsza jest wiara……..
    😉

    Reply
  31. You just made me laugh out loud. 😀 (By the way that Dragon’s Blood spell really does work!) 😉

    Reply
    • 😆 Stuart am going to e seriously cursed tonight 🙂
      hey Dragon blood is the best, never ever doubt its power, just mix it with equal amount of rock salt and throw it on others …its a perfect recipie for a happy day….

      Reply
  32. You are such an engaging, interesting and beautiful writer! I love the idea!

    Reply
  33. You are so witty, Soma!
    You say the most difficult things, and a lot of times for a lot of people ‘not-so-nice-to-hear’ stuff with such humor! 😉
    It’s sad that people believe in superstitions even today. I’ve had my fair share of ‘baba-chanting’ too…like it would fetch me the perfect groom , and that sort of thing. 😀 It’s another thing that I never tried any, but I wonder what thought process provides the impetus for such things to grow!
    I really enjoyed the post…and would love all spell-chanters to read it too!!!
    And, as far as your book goes…so is there a chant for the perfect guy..;) 😀 LOL LOL

    Reply
    • 😆 lopa you have come to right place here is the spell for the perfect guy
      write PERFECT GUY on a big piece of paper and draw pentacles on top of the paper
      then chant the following spell for three nights
      perfect guy,perfect guy come to me fast
      may you fall in love with me with the spell i cast
      may you see me every where you look
      in the mirror,food,clothes and book
      wind,soil,fire and sea
      as i say so mote it be
      and voila after 3 days perfect guy will knock on your door

      * it helps if you throw ink on all guys in the morning
      I hope you find it helpful

      Reply
  34. Wands, crystals and flames so blue
    Make Didi’s clever, spells come true!!!

    And as to buying ur witty book:

    Piracy is my alter ego
    Copyright is not my dear amigo
    Will seek ur spellbook with torrentz
    No cop can catch me with warrants!!!

    Just kidding ;-p
    Love u di

    Reply
  35. You are the next J.K.Rowling 🙂 But seriously how can educated people suggest such stuff?? ridiculous!

    Reply
    • Oh Reema they did and still do…suggesting all kinds of weird stuff..did you try that or did you go there..for them i have this real cool cold hard stare which is also responsible for global warming 😆
      Thanks Reema 🙂

      Reply
  36. It has all the ingredients of being a best seller,go ahead. I remember a Tantric’s advice to thiefs ” Roast Owl’s eyes, make Kohl from it and use it in the night then he will be able to see clearly in the night” .
    You are so witty and humorous, I love your posts.

    Reply
  37. Oh yes go ahead and write the book, Soma…I can already see what a ‘spell-binding’ book it will be!! 😀

    Reply
  38. Dear Soma,

    Anything you want to write, if it comes from your heart , it will be a best seller. Keep writing:)
    Write about your experiences as a mother…
    thoughts, expectations, experiences …good luck my dear.
    ~ Aparna

    Reply
  39. Dang dragon’s blood! I forgot to pick that up at the store!
    🙂

    Reply
  40. i wish i had thought of that.

    Reply

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