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The Third eye of Mata Soma

In the beginning there was nothing and God said let there be light,but when the lights were switched on God saw a lot of Indians roaming around. It was shocking cos He had Adam and eve in his mind, but Indians had totally foiled his plans of launching those two people.

He asked the Indians what are you doing here and how did you come here before I could send my people..to which one of the highly intellectual and well read Indian replied..excuse me God but we have more that 100 gods,why would we wait for you to send Adam and eve??

And this is how The Indian supremacy over the world began, so whenever i hear people saying oh Indians stole our jobs I say..what rubbish, more gods,more rights, which part is not clear?Indians were on this planet much much before Americans,English people and all other dubbed movie language people( like french,spanish) arrived from mars and venus.

And since we came early we also had time to compartmentalize gods like god for education,god for money,god for rain..we even have god for marriage..that is the reason why we are getting married all the time and have such a huge population..why we have god for that too,i mean to have kids..we have god for everything…and also we have had enough time to develop our third eye…

( A note to people making fun of Indians – you guys with one God puhleease we were performing miracles when you were learning to make fire)

Now many Gods also means many God-men too right..no not the ones in temples,but the self-proclaimed ones..who after trying everything under the sun have finally understood they were sent here to con people

BTW Con is a bad word for English people and other dubbed  movie language people not for us..here we take pride in conning.

After almost 39 years on this planet I finally understood all the why’s and what’s too and so I have decided to rename my self MATA SOMA and booked a big hall which will be known as —

THE THIRD EYE OF MATA SOMA HALL..

here I will meet my devotees, listen to their grievances and bless them.

It really is very simple and easy and  if you want to know more and join me later in my pledge to spread love and money as far as possible,why you have come to right place.I have been watching all the babas and matas closely for quite sometime and am sure I know everything.

Here are some examples of how I will solve the problems

Devotee 1– Mata I am 29-year-old and not getting married. have met four girls and all of them rejected me,now even the milk man makes fun of me . what should I do ??

Mata(me): tell your milk man he was a donkey in his previous life and order him to bray and then distribute red framed sunglasses to all the girls in neighbourhood for free. with in a month you will get married.

Devotee 2: Mata I am 49-year-old and still very poor and my boss pays me peanuts what to do?

Mata: Hmm this will require special blessings..put some money in that mans pocket( could be you if you join me 🙂 ) and offer 5 litres of peanut oil to your boss. he will increase your salary.

Devotee 3: Mata I am 78-year-old and still no child( at this point lot of gasps will be heard but not because she is old trying to have kid but because how useless is a woman who cannot bear a child)

Mata: come here child you need a hug…( my devotees will sing matas hug destroying the bug song)now tell me child I will ask..why do I see a cow around you…

Devotee3 : no mata I don’t have a cow

Mata: no there is a cow, may be your parents have had it

Devotee:  no mata no one in our family has ever had a cow

Mata what rubbish your ancestors were always living in city or what….somewhere between cave men and modern man one of your ancestors had a cow….

Devotee: speechless

Mata: donate two cows of same blood line as the one your ancestors had to a poor man and with in a month you will have a child.

Devotee: but Mata where will I find a cow of same bloodline

Mata: where there is a will there is a cow

impressive haan

all i need is a few indians to be my people…you know wearing some special outfit and do good PR and get me a prime time slot on television…

Phoren people, my friends in need, please help me out here I will get a lot of popularity if i will have some of you guys as my followers..also you can write about the blessing that i am and the miracles that i perform, in your blogs  🙂

If you read the tags you will find parenting,cos by doing this you will be setting up an excellent example for your kids too 🙂

A suggestion to wordpress people please understand Baba is not babes and do not try to correct my spelling everytime…its very Racist 😯

kindly contact me asap at my email id_ matacon@thirdeye.com

About Soma Mukherjee

I often say things that put me in a jam, Jams go well with Buttered Toasts, Toasts are great hosts, Ghosts not so much, Although they can dance, Not all dancers are serial killers, Serial killers do not use Body bags that often, body bags aren't leak proof, Proof is in the Pudding.

93 responses »

  1. Thank god, earlier on I only said I am your fan and not your devotee. I wonder what you’re like when you are not fooling around.

    Reply
  2. thespearking379

    Soma Mata, my cow is sick what should I do? She will not drink peanut oil any more, should I feed her some cash instead.? I’ve heard that cash cows are the way forward these days… but I am just a lowly employee working in a factory that makes suppositories, barely able to make ends meet… your blessings would be deeply appreciated Soma Mata – also I have an itchy spot in my left armpit….

    Your devoted follower
    T.H.E. Spear-King

    Reply
  3. Pingback: Help I am in a soup and it’s tasty…. « somkritya

  4. Elmediat sent me. I’m glad he did! Very funny!

    Reply
  5. Thanks so much for this enlightenment. My troubles are lighter all ready.. I will chant Bo-Na_NA in your honor because your insight is so appealing. I will remember to use the Fork. May the cow be with you. 😀

    Reply
  6. As a phoreigner, I wholeheartedly applaude your quest to receive “likes.” I’ve also decided to take some of your advice. I’m off to buy peanut oil for my boss. I’ll keep you updated on my success! 🙂

    Reply
    • Thank you Daniel.its always great to meet someone who gets you 😉
      please do offer that oil to your boss something about peanuts.. Bosses just are crazy about them 🙂

      Reply
  7. Girl! You rock!
    OMG that was blasphemous. Jai Mata Soma of the third eye fame! 😉

    Reply
  8. Soma, you are a born comedienne, you know! I can scarcely type for belly-laughing (that is the kind of chuckling that protrudes right out through the third eye, you know!) You make a very fine baba!

    Reply
  9. Hilarious Mata Soma! Dhanya ho gaye hai aapke dhivya shakti ( Humor) se mathe!!

    Reply
    • 😆 Aparna what can I say Mata knows everything..free blessings my child..eat yellow and white biscuits first thing in the morning all will be well 😆
      Thanks Aparna 🙂

      Reply
  10. Jai Mata Soma Ki! *Falls on feet and does a sashthang for blessing us all with this howlarious post! 😆

    Reply
  11. Interesting and intriguing Soma~ Thanks dear, Deborah

    Reply
  12. Delighted to have stumbled onto your blog Soma Mata 🙂 Just read this out to my husband and we are ROFL 🙂 LOVED that bold bedding banner 🙂 Awesome post, keep it up.

    Reply
    • Ah see the mysterious ways of God,he brought you to Mata..and since mata is happy so three free blesssings My Child….. take showers on north east side of your house and keep the front doors open at all times..soon you shall be touched my Mata’s free blessings 🙂
      Thanks Madhu 🙂

      Reply
  13. Blood-Ink-Diary

    Oey Soma ! Jai mataaaaaaa !!!!! Too funny yaar! Wow, I am in total sliptzzz!!!!! Mata Somi ki Jai ho! love ya sis.

    Reply
  14. Oh Soma…you make me laugh so. How can people argue about God anyway. You’re brilliant, my dear!
    Hugs, xx

    Reply
    • Deb people should always argue about something …More you argue and fight more you look intellectual…you see..Mata knows everything 😆
      Am so glad you liked it …Love ya ..

      Reply
  15. Soma dear – now you out done even yourself LOL!

    Reminds me of the 3 holy men (a Christian, a Jew and a Hindu) who argued about whose god/s is the most powerful…

    Anyway, you gave me such a great laugh to start the week with. Love this story Soma – Oops! Sorry! Soma Mata 🙂

    Reply
    • Ahh you saved yourself by correcting your mistake child…Mata happy ,blessing all,for free can you believe it 😆

      Reply
      • I don’t normally reply to a reply – but feel compelled to…

        You are sooooooo funny. If I could, I would give you a great big hug. What a good laugh, I’ve had.

        Thank you, thank you, thank you Mata 🙂

        Reply
  16. Wisdom compartmentalized…rock on, oh reverent sage! 🙂

    Reply
  17. Oh, Mata Soma, I bow (and smile) after reading your delightful post, yet, I always knew you were a Goddess, so that came as no surprise to me! Hugs (oh, and bows, again) dear Goddess Soma! 🙂 xo

    Reply
  18. WORD HUG …..! XO
    WHAT STUCK WITH ME MOST
    “Compartmentalize gods”
    YOU ALWAYS LEAVE ME THINKING
    AND SMILING
    🙂
    LOVE YOU SOMA XO

    Reply
    • Thank you so much Cat its true we have caged/compartmentalised every thing we ever liked or loved….
      Am glad you liked it
      Love ya 🙂

      Reply
      • I SOOOOOOOO DO AND BELIEVE WE DO THIS – UNCONSCIOUSLY – CONSCIOUSLY –
        I HAVE NO IDEA HOW THAT PART OF THE BRAIN WORKS – BUT YOU REALLY GOT ME THINKING OF THIS TOPIC OF PUTTING THINGS/ IDEAS / NOTIONS – WHATEVER WE HAVE – IN COMPARTMENTS –
        AS OOPSED TO FULL INTEGRATION ……….
        HAVE YOU EVER READ KEN WILBER ?
        THINK YOU MAY REALLY DIG HIM ………
        JUST YOUTUBE HIM – IF YOU HAVE A CHANCE .,………..
        REALLY INTERESTING STUFF ……

        LOVE U XOXOXOXOXOOXO

        Reply
  19. silentfingers

    Jai Mata Soma… Jai Mata Soma…
    Mata, I am almost dying here laughing, but my wish is that you make yourself immortal!
    Jai Mata Soma!!

    Reply
  20. Brilliant! I fully endorse your Mata-hood. How shall I show my devotion? A certain color?
    Red.

    Reply
  21. I loved the post—I especially the phrase, “dubbed movie language people!”

    Reply
  22. Fantastic! I never know where you will lead me down the path, but I always love the journey. Oh, great Soma, tell me I am a 43 year old woman with a fear of the sky. What shall I do?

    Loved the cow, and all of your clever answers, and the truth behind the humor, too.

    What do you mean there isn’t only one God and one way of seeing the world??? That can’t be.

    I will be your follower, you silly goose.

    My eyes are tired, but had to visit you, today. Hugs you talented divinity. Sam

    Reply
  23. WordsFallFromMyEyes

    Man, you’re straight-up Soma. I did not know (sorry, not extensively schooled) that Indians were the originals. I know, in Australia, Aborigines were here well before the English arrived to “civilise” the “savages”. Hell. It just goes on & on in history, doesn’t it.

    If you go on my page & see any comment from Bryan Hemming, visit his blog because he’s telling at this time how the Kalahari Bushmen are at risk of being wiped out. ‘Wiped out’. What an expression, but eloquent it is.

    I sense you experience racism? I know Baba isn’t a misspelling. You’re very strong in who you are, and that is always a joy to see.

    xx (& great to put ‘parenting’ in the tags)

    Reply
    • Aah what can I say that i havent already…..we Indians survived ice age too but no one would talk about it..how racist is that…This post should be added to Wikipedia ..
      Thanks Noeleen 🙂

      Reply
  24. Hi,
    A fantastic post, I loved it. A Goddess, who knew. 😀
    I smiled as I was reading, so very well written.

    Reply
    • Mata has been following your blog and you didnt know ..how cool has mata been so far haan….but then mata needs money too you know…
      Thanks Mags am glad you enjoyed reading this 🙂
      hugs n love 🙂

      Reply
  25. Wow! I’ve been with a Goddess all this while without knowing :). You must bless me Goddess Soma! :). By the way, Nice piece!

    Reply
  26. fivereflections

    i’m glad i met you!
    David in Maine USA

    Reply
  27. Chinta ta Korbo Na 🙂 Mata Soma is at work !! love and hugs ♥

    Reply
  28. Another so laugh out loud and fun post Mata Soma! 😉 🙂

    Reply
    • OMG you called me Mata ….you have made mata so happy Mata sends you special blessings vis god of clouds…soon some blessings in form of sparkling rays will touch you and bless you 🙂

      Reply
  29. i bow and kiss the feet of the goddess soma.

    Reply
  30. Soma, beautiful write with a lot of truth in it! I can laugh because one side of my family has its roots in Asia, hundreds of thousands of years ago per DNA tests, Druze! Much joy in reading your post!

    Reply
    • am Glad you had a good laugh over it Wendell …all these babas and matas are seriously funny people trying to use whatever means to con people
      Thanks 🙂

      Reply
  31. I enjoyed the post. I think I would be able to help you if we could just meet. Do you have a blessing to get one of us across the thousands of miles separating us?
    Scott

    Reply
    • Fear not fellow human now that you are willing to help let me tell you Mata has a solution for everything… 😆
      Scott thank you so much i really will need some phoreners to get attention here 😆
      Thanks 🙂

      Reply
  32. Wicked fun! I especially liked your point regarding outsourced jobs. I would humbly submit myself as a devotee and ask to open a hall in my backyard!

    Reply
    • OMG Steven really..you are the best…ok see here is the plan let me fool millions here and then like deepak chopda or the babas who now spend more time there i will come over to your place and together we shall con the world 😆
      You are so sweet..thanks a ton 🙂

      Reply
  33. Soma-great post. Truths intertwined with clever writing. 🙂

    Reply
  34. Hilarious, more hilarious….most hilarious!
    Indeed the baba and mata mania has spread like conflagration in India…I think it is as popular as Cricket and Bollywood, and someday will make it’s way to phoren as well. 😀

    I really liked your post, and I am impressed at your creativity!

    Soma Mata Ki Jai. 😉 🙂

    Love and Hugs.

    Reply
    • Lopa putri sirf jai jaikaar se kuch nahi hoga yaha aakar mata ka aashirwaad lo evam mata ke saath mil kar logo ko looto..isi me jeevan ka saar hai
      jai ho tumhari bhi 🙂

      Reply
  35. Pawan Hira (awakeningpsyche)

    haha..hahah…what an interesting read, just like a humor column in any newspaper. sarcastic and way too entertaining. you pulled this one out from nowhere. esp. the first para set the tone, about Indians and their way. lol.
    and I’m sure you will find phorener and all kind of followers. May be I would chance upon a life query with you, I know you have the answers.

    Soma Mata ki jay ho.. khush kar diya aapne..:)

    Reply
    • OMG Pawan I was kind of banking on you…what do you mean by May be…you have to help me out here….
      Soma mata kaha hai toh thodi help bhi kar do..punya prapti hogi vats 😆

      Reply
      • Pawan Hira (awakeningpsyche)

        ahaha. ok.
        I’m all here then to help you…:)

        Oho mataji, aapka tv pe program kab aayega ? woh joh subah subah har channel pe aate hai gyaan baantne, par pataa nahi kya baant ke chale jaate hai…lol….

        dhanyavaad aapka, koi prashna hoga toh avashya aapke paas hi aauga….:)

        Reply
  36. Soma, another fabulously entertaining and educational post! And indeed, here in England (Gt. Britain or whatever we are, turn into etc) and America, it does seem that we think we are the ‘older’ civilisation! India, as you say, is far older, as are the Chinese. ‘Many a true word is said in jest’ – no more so that here, Soma. Thank you for enlightening us about God/gods/higher beings/saints/Buddhas/Bodhisattvas/angels….. 🙂

    Reply
  37. Czytam twoje wpisy,jesteś daleko od mojego kraju-piszszesz tak pięknie o nim ,że poznaję go coraz lepiej….very nice day
    😉

    Reply
  38. Haha, hilarious post! I met some babas, astrologers and other “spiritual-experts” when I was in India. Quite an entertaining bunch 😀

    Reply
  39. Mata Soma can I join you, I am a phorener,because everybody in my house treats me as phorener ( my hand in every mishappening).
    What an enlighten soul you are dear,can’t stop laughing. Wait there is more to come. ( you forgot about desi daaru babaji or what)

    Reply
    • oh ho see you have to leave for Goa immidiately and drink 5 patiala shots with phorener to get rid of the curse…as for the hand draw 5 goats and gift the paiting to a newly wed all will be well
      desi daaru will be our version of charnamrut 😆

      Reply
      • Somi ,your comments and reply page is full of humour and fun. your cartoons and images make your post very lively,and mataji I’m still laughing and got ridden of my headache,thanks.

        Reply
  40. Maha Mata Mateswari devi -third eye walli-MATA SOMA JI KI jay. Mate I am blessed to have the golden opportunity and divine ASHIRWAD for being one of your 120 crores of INDIAN ms-GUIDED devotee . I solemnly affirm my total surrender in propagating your NIRMAL advice to uplift the FOOLS under your secret guidance. –yours most treacherous disciple .-bapi-the blind eye.A

    Reply

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