There are two ways of living a life, either start a cult or join one.
Other day lying on my bed something hit me hard. No,it was not the book stand or the ceiling fan this time . It was a thought and ever since I have been wanting to share it with you. Look around you, all the chaos, the confusions, never ending cycle of rage…what do you think the world needs the most right now, something which will change the face of the earth forever, something which we are already doing but not enough…….oh yes you guessed it right.
This world needs New cults, super secretive, hood wearing, mind controlling, alien worshipping kinds…and more the merrier
Admit it, there is nothing more you would like than founding your own cult. so what is stopping you!!!
funds, ideas, sprained ankles, guts…?
I am dedicating this post to all of you gutless people who are trapped in the cycle of ifs and buts.
without much ado lets begin the do’s and dont’s in setting up a cult. you are just 8 steps away from founding your own cult.
Yeah first thing is what is a cult. Well guys Cult is CUL+T
There has to be a reason for everything and more than anyone else you got to know about it. Cos like it or not you will have to give at least one speech/sermon to your
club Cult members describing hows and whys. Here is what you need to know( convince yourself of)
We need cult because-
1) Some one ate all the frogs
2) to revive the forgotten art of cussing
3) The end of the world came and went with out causing even a dent
4) Tomato seeds are aliens hiding and waiting for signal to destroy us
5) Papaya’s are installed in our planet to end our species
6) It’s not what a cat does but what it thinks it is doing that is dangerous.
3) NAME GAME
A Cult is not a Club or Spa. however unbelievable that sounds, cults are different genres of entertainment and first thing you need is a proper name. you can’t gather fan following with names like yoosukz or merulz. find some serious names like Solanumlycopersicumus or Sildenafilcitrateuns
you can’t let people wear jeans saris etc and expect them to take it seriously, plus it may look like an world peace blah blah and not cult. Dress code sets up the tone of a cult. contact a designer or design a robe with a logo on the hood. and Remember a Cult is nothing if not about dividing people into classes,yes we don’t have those enough too. so although the design will be same reserve rich colours like royal blue or Rich Red for your elite members. This is what will encourage not so rich members wearing brown robe to earn more to get into elite class.
5) WHERE THERE IS CULT THERE IS #$%
This is important as every cult has some rules, some codes which members have to follow in their everyday life. these set of rules will make them different from common people around them. Also these should be activities which will make others inquisitive and interested in joining the cult.
eg we do not eat okra ice creams OR wear eggshells on Sundays OR Bunga Bunga Fridays…
6) MONEY TALKS
Yes sir this is no social service. you got to have money. Set up an entry and membership fee cos People don’t take things which are free seriously. but if you are a loser or you suck, offer money till you become popular. Remember Losers shalt not . .
food is important, at all times make sure there is enough food on tables. you do not want people to be starving to death in those lengthy good for nothing sermons & activities where some killings and hiding bodies will take place. Also you do not want members to start feeding on each other and/or dead bodies, unless your cult is of living dead or zombies, in that case….. yay
8)ZIP IT MR.LOL
Now the most important life saving tip you will ever get in your entire life.
NO JOKES EVER
this is cult not a comedy act you do not make jokes and entertain people. remember at all times your work is serious and any thing which makes people laugh or smile or giggle or rofl or lmao is a sin.
well that’s that and we are done. make sure you have checked everything and you are good to go.
happy cult fest people may this world be blessed with more cults.
Related and a must read article