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There are three kinds of people in the movie making business, One who believe in Werner Herzog theory  of  “Read, read, read, read, read, read, read, read, read, read, read, read, read…if you don’t read, you will never be a filmmaker”,
Second are those who believe in what Jean-Luc Godard said  “All you need to make a movie is a girl and a gun.”  
and third are the people who believe that movie making business is all about how much one can afford. Nothing else matters, not the story, nor the cast, neither the purpose, nothing else. if you need just three people but can afford a thousand, I say take them and this applies to every aspect of film making.
keeping the third theory in mind I have come up with an excellent blockbuster movie plan. The  movie right now is on papers and nothing is finalized not even the name but I know it is going to be a big block buster and so will you when you see my plan. The reason I am sharing my ideas with you today is that I need finance which I am sure you will provide when you see what a great movie I have scripted. So without much ado I present to you
Cast and Story 1
As I have mentioned in the pic, main lead 1(some newbie) will die, but not before he comes to know that his father is not his real father, a detective tells him so. Mean while real father for whom life till now was nothing but happy hours will be tearing his hair in frustration. Grandpa who will come to know of this secret will spread the news cos he is old and has a weak bladder, but later regret( of course).There will be two guys, the neighbour who will laugh at this news because the main lead used to park his vehicle in this man’s parking area and also because this is what villains do and another ( happy man ) will laugh at this news but later be fired and he will be all- I want to kill the main lead( second villain).
 Then there will be an ass ho73 who will be here for no reason other than the fact that he is an assho73. Japanese guy , Yo guy  and the Guy in the hospital will provide much needed comic relief.
Then a man will die in pool while the other won’t , all of this will be seen and taped by a mysterious man and someone will lose his marbles.
OK so as explained in the pic, lot of people will die and the gardener will be one of the main villains cos she used to work in an office but was fired cos she was too hot, so too avenge her humiliation she now wears ‘hardly anything’  and works as a gardener in the person’s house who got her fired, but the person doesn’t recognize her cos she now hardly wears anything.

also there will  be a hot girl trying to touch her toes ( a tribute to yoga) every now and then and a hot yogini who will kill the girl cos she was killing her business. Then there will be grandma who will be too happy that grandpa spilled the news and now she can finally divorce him. And the gossip girl will tell the neighbours that the main lead’s ( actress in lead role)  father in law is not the real one and the real one doesn’t want to be any part of this family and the neighbour will then come to the main lead’s house and laugh and say told ya and die.
And then there will be a dog ( not in the pic, idea hit me just now) who will kill all the villains and recognize his master who after third plastic surgery looks much better but can not see, hear or speak.
Note- there will be 13 songs, two with the ‘hardly wearing anything’ gardener and three with hot yoginis and the fight sequence between hot yogini and the girl trying to touch toes will be, once a hit,now forgotten dance form called The Snake Dance.
also there will be a song where the dog will emote the lines through his eyes and the people of the island will cry and try to fix the plane and carve a tunnel in the mountain with bare hands and eat rotting bodies.
Rest of the songs will be wherever we can put them
wish you all a great week ahead and those who wish to sponsor kindly mail me at or call 1800-whose-spleen-is-that.
 This post is protected by voodoo spells.

About Soma Mukherjee

I often say things that put me in a jam, Jams go well with Buttered Toasts, Toasts are great hosts, Ghosts not so much, Although they can dance, Not all dancers are serial killers, Serial killers do not use Body bags that often, body bags aren't leak proof, Proof is in the Pudding.

50 responses »

  1. I would be interested in playing the old guy with the weak bladder but I would like to have a talkin’ dog as a companion.

  2. I hope that you have had a brilliant weekend Soma,
    and hopefully without any Vampires, Zombies and
    Werewolves after a bit, I mean a bite 🙂 😉

    Andro xxxx

  3. WordsFallFromMyEyes

    You are so imaginative!! Love it.

    Loved the quotes at the beginning as I didn’t know a one of them. Wonderful stuff, Soma 🙂

  4. Oh Soma what a script!!! You had me at “the neighbour who will laugh at this news because the main lead used to park his vehicle in this man’s parking area” 😆

  5. thespearking379

    I want to see this film, I will fund you 12 million peanuts in advance, and another twelve million once the film has hit the box-office, or would you prefer that as 12 million gallons of peanut oil, cold-pressed top quality grade?

    TSK x

  6. Hi Soma,

    Those are great caricatures you have conceived. Just loved those charts. Wonder what would the likes of Karan Johar would say about them?

    Great tongue in cheek stuff. Did not know whether to laugh at what I was visualising or myself.


  7. You are the best! This is typical Bollywood stuff, and I ought to know because I lived in Byculla Mumbay for three years just around the corner from the real Bollywood and my kids used to trade punches with Raj Kapoor’s kids at the Breach Candy swimming pool which used to be the preserve of the proud Raj but in my time was jealously guarded for membership by the cream of Mumbai’s Indian society. You’re onto a winner here Somaji. Money will flow in to you from the Moslem Moguls who control Bollywood. Just make sure your voodoo spells are copyright protected so the Movie Moguls don’t rip you off.

    • Thanks Ian Oh How I wish I could protect my movie script from the Bada Chor’s fo Bollywood, I wish we had a Movie God I could pray to..
      You have seen more of India than I have, never been to those areas you mentioned, now I want to 🙂

  8. This will definitely be a big, big movie hit, Soma, and you included all the important roles, too! You are soooo talented, my friend. I’d love to sponsor you, but the email I sent to you was kicked back to me. Must be a bad address…too, too bad…:) Well, let me know how to get tickets, ‘cuz I wouldn’t wanna miss it!

    Sending lots of love and hugs to ya! xo

  9. This is awesome, you had me chuckling straight off with the cast especially the man who drowns and the man that doesn’t, not to mention the kinky looking female gardener, wow with her around there wouldn’t be much progress towards gardening, well not if the gossiping Grandpa had anything to do with it 😉 lmao

    The trying to touch toes when semi naked and the one in clothes has me wondering who will be the resident voyeur in this film, it could be the dark mystery man or perhaps the happy man that was fired, he would soon cheer up ogling, I mean eyeing up that toe toucher, especially if dangling upside down from an adjacent tree 🙂

    Grandma is elated to have dumped her useless man and even if she takes up yoga I doubt if he will have a chance of recapturing their youth, or anything else that was on his mind 😉 Meanwhile WTF Dad will be taking a swim, maybe he will drown or not but even if he did, he can come back as a guru of wickedness, perhaps marry Grandma, take up origami and kiss a few frogs, who knows? 🙂 But I am so looking forward to hearing more of your progress towards film making, after all your skills towards writing and creating masterpieces is second to none so it is bound to be a scream 🙂

    Thank you for being such a wonderful and
    great friend Soma, you are a diamond 🙂 😉

    Andro xxxx

  10. I was going to sponsor this movie but changed my mind.

    There is no tree to run-around while the hero chases the heroine slooooowly and while singing (as if he is in a studio). How do I know? Because he runs and jumps without gasping for breath.

    There is no seaside and beach for hero and heroine to roll, get soaked, expose her flabby fat and yet two minutes later continue to dance with dry clothes and well coiffured hair. Did I say, hero is wearing a 3-piece Italian suit in an Indian summer in Rajasthan desert? No. Well, hero is wearing a 3-piece Italian suit made in China while dancing in the Rajasthan desert. And he is smiling – now he is fainting from heat stroke – and now he fighting off 22, no make that 24, villains who are shooting machine guns at him but all are missing the target. Why, because hero is jumping slooooow motion behind that same said tree. You see how important that tree is. Whew!

    And let us not forget the 750 people who are all dancing and singing happily in the background in the Rajasthan desert – they manage better than camels, and their feet are not burning.

    Last question, how did the seaside come to the Rajasthan Desert.

    I’m the producer – I can do anything!

    For all these lacking reasons – I cannot invest in this movie.

    Very sorry.

  11. Sounds perfect, unless you are going the “money” route, in which case you need a train on a collapsing bridge, or a vampire who has a laser gun, or a dinosaur that lives in the ocean. In any case, I’m already working on moves for “the Snake Dance.”

  12. Beauty and Brains, what a blessed combination to find in a woman. I recently reviewed my own blog with WordPress and observed you were very high on the list of those who commented often on my poetry work. I just wanted to take time to say “Thank You” and also to say I have missed you. Blessings in your continued journey.

  13. I believe in the so-called french model that makes films with the heart and not the wallet
    – I’m sure that you would win the Golden Palm in Cannes… 🙂 🙂

  14. I think you’re on the right track, my lovely friend. Good luck!

  15. Sounds like a winner to me! 🙂

  16. Gripping drama and power that the big screen has never encountered. Will it be Hollywood or Ballywood?

    • Oh how I wish I could make a Hollywood movie with the script,but I have to have the 13 songs and snake dance, may be next script….nah who am I fooling next one will have cars flying every where and hero dancing around the trees and fighting both same time.

  17. Really funny and hilarious blockbuster performance
    Sent from BlackBerry® on Airtel

  18. That is one of the funniest things I have read in a long time! I think you’ve captured every motion picture element in grand style. This could be a huge huge hit! It has something for everyone. Well, maybe you could throw in a cute rocket-scientist Wombie. But other than that, perfect! Will you take funds in the form of chocolate?

  19. Powerful movie…I want to watch it!

  20. bad, bad idea. Ram Gopal Verma is so taking you to court for plagiarism.

  21. Sounds like an instant modern classic. 🙂

  22. Soma Star ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
    You’re gonna make a film ….?
    love love love the cartoon xxxxxxx
    so much cuteness and candour = You xxxx
    lemme know where the movie will be PLAYING …
    i am lining UP to get my tickets already xxxx

  23. Hey Soma, awesome post and I support ur project lolzz..I believe that we make either a good or bad movie and I don’t really subscribe to the divide between art or commercial. An entertaining movie can be as good as an art movie:)

  24. What a super hit story Soma. Please give it to Ekta Kapoor who , after making a hit serial, make a hit film on it. How could you forget a Thakur and a gaon ki gori. lol.

    p.s. Your header is looking too cute. Very beautiful.


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