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Greatest Story ever told is on another shelf

Peter Cameron once wrote that one man’s nonsense is another man’s sense. God forbid if someday someone ever even in the tiniest possible way understood the nonsense I weave. That day my friends is not one I would like to see. That day all the dinosaurs and dodos will disappear from the face of earth for good and no one, not ever Steven Spielberg will be able to bring them back even on screen. 
Anyways so I was reading Zombie Haikus by Ryan Mecum. Let me take a moment here to tell you guys about Ryan Mecum. He is God of fun haikus and poems. Be it Zombies or Vampires or Werewolves, Ryan has written about all of them. like check these out-
“Those were not vampires.
If sunlight makes you sparkle,
you’re a unicorn.”
“Blood is really warm,
it’s like drinking hot chocolate
but with more screaming.” 
Haan how cool is that? Click these links to read more and you will be so happy that may be you will adopt a vampire or a zombie today. 
Twitter-Mecum Haiku
so as I was saying I was reading Zombie Haikus and was so horribly terribly inspired that I wrote a poem on Zombies ( cos I don’t know how to write a haiku)  which is Dark and Gory and deadly and deep and horrible and everything that is bad but in a good sort of way.
 There was once a zombie
who married for treats,
then the treats disappeared
and all that was left was gift wraps
and empty boxes
Then he was shot in a grocery store
cos people thought he was going to eat them
and why a zombie would want to buy bleach
they couldn’t understand
But Zombies don’t die unless shot at head
the grocery store security guy didn’t know that
so the zombie kept getting up and shot
again and again and a few times more
it was like a big, giant story of
death and re birth all happening
so fast and so may a times
and the security guy was in tears
crying why don’t you die
you horrible thing with a bottle of bleach
All this was so funny in a horrible sort of way


copyright Somkritya ( who else)

Happy weekend ya all 🙂


About Soma Mukherjee

I often say things that put me in a jam, Jams go well with Buttered Toasts, Toasts are great hosts, Ghosts not so much, Although they can dance, Not all dancers are serial killers, Serial killers do not use Body bags that often, body bags aren't leak proof, Proof is in the Pudding.

93 responses »

  1. Great page, Keep up the beneficial job. Thanks a lot.

  2. heloooooooooooooooooooo 🙂 how are you .. rememeber me .. I am backkkkkkkkkkk ..

    just came over to say Hello and it seems you have disappeared now 😦

    come back

  3. Missing you on this page Somaji. I need a smile now and then to appropriate that energy you have.

  4. I have nominated you for an award.

  5. Soma I hope that you are coming back to us soon, for one thing we need your funny postings, wicked tales and awesome presence, and another thing my Zombies are missing you so hurry up and write something new, or else? 🙂 lol

    Have a wonderful weekend my great friend 🙂

    Andro xxxx

  6. A little scary truth, then: I am beginning to understand your writings very well.
    The Earth is doomed, then?

  7. Hi !! Happy 2014 !! 🙂 Long time no See ? Looks like life is keeping you too busy ?

  8. Pingback: Vampireku (Haiku) | Blog It or Lose It!

  9. Have a chocolaty great Christmastime
    Soma and be good, yes just like me 😉 🙂

    Andro xxxx

  10. It is great seeing you back in the blogosphere Soma
    and now that you are here why not give us all a thrilling
    story, one with Vampires and Werewolves could be a
    good idea 🙂 Well I only said 😉 lol

    Have a wicked Friday and awesome weekend my sweet friend 🙂

    Andro xxxx

  11. Hey where are YOU? 😦 Grrr
    Yes, Come Back Soon Soma

    I think we need to send those
    Zombies out to search for her 🙂

    Andro xxxx

  12. I hope that you will be back on here
    soon Soma, it’s not the same without
    your sweet joviality…

    Be well and hurry back my great friend 🙂

    Andro xxxx

  13. Loved this post, Soma!!! 🙂 Sooo funny!
    Hope you’re doing great, wanted to say hi and leave a little comment on your wonderful blog.
    Big hugs!!

  14. Hey I hope that you are okay Soma,
    where are you? 😦 If you are just on
    an extended holiday after being poorly
    then that is absolutely alright and I am
    hoping that you are feeling much better
    now, I hope that is why you have been
    away from here for so long and not that
    you have been too ill to let us know 😦

    Have a very nice rest of week and I just
    want you to know that I am thinking about
    you my sweet and great friend 🙂 🙂

    Come back soon…

    Andro xxxx

  15. Hoping all is well with you Soma. Take care.

  16. Come back, come back, wherever you are! I hope you’re well. Wombat Day won’t be the same without you.

  17. Hey you are you still feeling okay my sweet friend? 🙂
    I just wanted to call in and make sure that my little pal
    is doing alright and wondered now that your upset tum
    is better whether you would like some of my Zombie
    buns and biscuits? 🙂 How do you mean what do they
    taste like? Well they are a cross between a Jamaican
    Tart, a Mexican Pancake, Indian Lollipop and an Italian
    Spaghetti flavoured turnip but don’t worry you will love
    them 🙂 The only downside is that some of my Ghouls
    have had a week of flatulence after eating them but if
    you don’t over indulge then everything will be fine. Of
    course if you prefer some Ghostly chocolates with milk
    and cookies then that is also a good choice, and they
    are served with an ‘In the Niff’ Tom Cruise, he also has
    a habit of wearing lime green thongs when serving them
    but that is just an optional extra if you are so inclined 😉

    Well I will give you some time to think it over, but don’t
    be taking forever as those thongs are edible ones and
    could be eaten up in no time. Well only by willing girls
    with a fetish for ageing actors with leading parts 🙂 lol

    No I am not telling you which parts so
    hard lines, use your wicked imagination 🙂

    Andro xxxx

  18. I am pleased to know that you are better now Soma
    and if I had know that you were poorly then we, that is
    the Wombies and myself would have been right over
    to your place and give you a helping hand 🙂 🙂

    Yes I could have helped in every discipline, including
    those bed-baths, but don’t worry I would avert my eyes
    at the right moments 😉 lmao Glad you are well again
    my sweet and very great friend 🙂 Relax today okay? 🙂

    Andro xxxx

    • So sorry to hear about your recent ills, Soma. I hope everything is better now, or at least on the mend. Dr. Binky prescribes chocolate, rest, more chocolate, naps, chocolate milkshakes, and some wine gums.

      • Now that is good advice Soma and guess what I recommend? 😉 NO… Best you get really better first,
        as energetic naughtiness tires one out 🙂 lmao

        Hey and it’s not what you were thinking either, cheeky 🙂

        Andro xxxx

  19. We need a new post in this place!
    We’re suffering from Soma withdrawal.
    (If the Zombies have got you, send a secret signal to Fraz.)

  20. I am laughing so hard I can’t type Soma 😀 Your nonsense does make a lot of sense to me you know!!!

  21. Hey Soma… More Zombies please 🙂 😉
    I hope that your week has been wonderful
    so far and that you are planning mischief
    for the weekend ahead 😉 Course you are 🙂

    Andro xxxx

  22. We all need a pet Zombie around if only to make us realise that getting showered every day is important and that eating with our fingers is a no=no, especially when the fingers are chewed down to the bone 😦 *yikes*

    As always your take on humour is second to none, and I have enjoyed your latest posting, even better that is a Zombie-Fest with blood spatter, greasy fingernails and a free poop scoop for every reader 🙂 lmao

    You are brilliant my girl and no mistake 🙂
    Have a superb rest of evening and a wicked
    Thursday my dear sweet friend 🙂

    Andro xxxx

  23. That is just so funny, Soma. You always make me laugh!
    hugs xxx

  24. I used to love pork chop – but after reading of zombie pigs – not anymore. Please please don’t write about zombie chicken and zombie fish – because I’m not vegetarian. If you wish, you can write about zombie apples and oranges – but not zombie bananas and zombie papayas

    Let me see, what else —

  25. Rofl ! Haven’t read something so unique. Best part is “and the security guy was in tears
    crying why don’t you die
    you horrible thing with a bottle of bleach” 😛

  26. Soma I rather enjoy his poems, he is so very unique…thanks for sharing! P.S., I always seem to understand you well…it is so very easy with you being so genuine my sister! God bless you and your family always!

  27. Greetings and invite you to watch my new album photograph.

  28. “hehehe” – yeah “copyright Somkritya ( who else)”
    – so well said (or written) dear Soma… 🙂 😉

    Yes there’s a reason why pigs are called pigs… 🙂 🙂 😉

    You are wonderful… 🙂

  29. Well, on the bright side, at least Zombie can use the bleach to clean up the mess.

  30. Well all was going well and I was able to deal with the horrors you highlighted until you came up with the zombie pig picture. How do you expect me to sleep tonight now? It will be like my frequent journeys third class carriage in India with money secured in a plastic bag in my undies, sleeping with one eye open on top of my shoes with one arm through the handle on my luggage. How could you do this to me Somaji? lol

    • OMG 😯 I had no idea I was going to cause you that kind of pain ouch
      you are a rock star Ian ..what a parallel you have drawn ha ha ha hey I have a funny pic for you.

      • What a wonderful idea! Just think of the possibilities if I ever have to move into a nursing home. Padlocked dentures (hope I never have them) padlocked medications, padlocked clothing when demented people sneak into your room in the dead of night while you sleep, padlocked food in the top drawer of your bedside table to guard against starvation on a nursing home diet. Padlocked toilet bowl. (One can never be too careful in this virus plagued world). Padlocked glasses, toothbrush, and the list goes on and on. Thank you Somaji. You are a source of great wisdom with a few helpful hints tossed in as well. The zombie pig still has be shaking in my boots though.

  31. I only want to know, why did the Zombie want the bleach? It likely would have solved so many problems you know just let him have the bleach, cleans up fast and leaves a good smell.

    • Bleach is used in the mistaken impression that it will remove the evidence of blood when the nasty deed has been done. But they don’t seem to know that science is one step ahead and it is not effective.

  32. Hey no joke, apparently pigs will eat anything zombie or not! 🙂

  33. great post Soma, and like your new caty looks lolz…

  34. That is so funny! That would make an excellent opening scene for a Zombie Comedy film. The Zombie Who Wouldn’t Die!
    Poor Zombie.They need to clean up once in a while, too.

    Ryan’s pretty funny, too.

  35. Soma! Zombie pigs? NO. Not zombie pig. Hahaha! Cute.

  36. Hey Soma dear, I love your kittie header and your poem is just as crazy and awesome as ever! But I will never drink hot chocolate again! 🙂 Happy, happy Friday and sending big hugs your way! Oh, and the zombie pig is kinda cute in an ugly way, just like Bearmancartoons said! 🙂 xoxo

    • Oh Lauren that Kitty is so sweet I just had to put it in the header 🙂
      hot chocolate lol yeah that haiku kind of ruined it
      Thanks love wish you a beautiful blessed weekend 🙂

  37. Soma now Im sure how much I like first great lines and the poem is totally crazy and stuffs I super cool?! I like the child in you and that’s what maketh u totally fab.
    Cheerz n u made my Friday:)

  38. -dziękuję;-)Soma;-)

  39. You’ve brightened my day, Soma.
    (And you know how much I needed that today, so thank you.)

  40. Zombie Pig is cute…in an ugly way

  41. I can sum up Peter Cameron’s line in two words “Our Marriage” (I assume Peter used the term “Man” as gender neutral to represent human species)

  42. Ugh, zombies and vampires scare me 😦

  43. Soma, Soma, Soma – why do zombies walk so slow?
    Is this a fact, does anyone know?
    Moaning and groaning all of the while,
    Leaking and rotting so putrid and vile,
    Why not open a shop called Zombie Pamper Parlour
    And give them all a beauty make-over
    Would it stop them biting you or biting me
    Let’s give it a go – then we’ll see.

    • Oh My Goodness I am going to do a post on your crazy poem soon, you are so devilishly good ..well you ain’t our Cult leader for nothing 🙂
      I am sharing this funny poem you wrote 🙂

  44. Wow ! this is the zombiest poem & story I have heard, and I thought I have heard them all. Ye weird poem writer , from where you come? That cat is super cute Somi.


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