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Rats in the attic

There are two kinds of rats, the Attic rats and the Gutter rats. Easy to tell them apart if you are an avid Rat watcher. However I do not discriminate, I hate all the rats equally. Brown or Black, Rich or Poor,  Asian or European. Rats are Crats and if you do not find a way to keep them away they soon find a way to czrat zrat zrat zrat ztat za ztat za ztat which is rat language for-I will chew on your stuff and pee and poop inside your house .
A wise old Rat once told me that the rats who live or work in attic are considered Elite (Tom Cruise of MI6 elite) in their community and not only are they experts in all kinds of invasions but are also very light on their feet. That is they can tip toe around easily  and never get caught, unless they want you to know of their presence, something they do when they want to creep you out or to challenge themselves. And one has to go through very tough selection process and a tougher training before one can even dream of being in the attic.
So it generated a lot of  buzz and squeaks when Captain Rat ‘o’ Cheekay chose that odd ball Blinkin’ Kalamiti to be an Attic rat. One look at him and you would know he didn’t fit in the Elite Attic Rat community.
Blinkin’ Kalamiti ( BK) had some real problems, behavioral as well as occupational. And within a month of joining the forces he had made quite a few enemies and haters in the Elite Community. Other Rats liked him as much as they liked a mosquito Buzz or a fresh stain on a new sofa or a pimple on nose on the wedding day. 
Finally fed up with his odd behavior, Lartata and Bartata, two of the most feared and respected Elite Attic Rats wrote a letter to the Captain mentioning the problems they have been having with BK, requesting Captain to either send him for a long training or a transfer to not so elite Box or Garage Rat community.
Here are the letters exchanged between forces and their Captain regarding the BK issue.
Dear Captain,
We do not know how to write this but what the hell Capt’, BK sucks big time.
-he is stupid
-he makes a lot of noise when he moves
-lies still and pretends to be dead and expects us to cry and mourn over the great loss
– spends half an hour every morning asking every lieutenant of the Forces if they think he is fat.
– he is slow, too slow, so slow that humans of this house have seen him, something which put a big question mark on our work ethics. Today humans have seen us, tomorrow we will be their pets!
– he is allergic to cheese( now what kind of rat is allergic to cheese, a STUPID rat who else!)
-he refused to go to the neighbouring attics three times in last week. He said and we quote “my inner voice tells me not to” 
-he can’t read or write and when asked to learn he said and we quote ” Now I ain’t made to serve words, words are meant to serve me, tell the words or whatever it is you want me to learn to learn me.”
-he saw his image in the mirror yesterday, went  straight to a bar and gulped down a whole bottle of dulcolax  cos some fool down told him that would make him look suave and has been pooping ever since in every part of the house, leaving a trail.
-loses temper when the humans move their furniture
-wears eye patch and plays pirate
-hates blue and green colours
-in the middle of a high risk invasion asks us if any girl is checking him out or not
 Sir we have tolerated him enough and any more of him would be setting a wrong precedence and example. We therefore request you to either sack him or send him to another team or a training or we will have no choice but to leave the force
Thanking you
Yours Faithfully/Sincerely/ Loving/Caring
ROEARF( rats of elite attic rat forces)
Divider Graphics
Dear all,
Blinkin’ Kalamiti, full name Blinkin’ Kalamiti ‘o’ Cheekay is my nephew
Yours Capt’
Divider Graphics
Dear Capt’
Dear sir we got it. We never had any problem with BK. He is a sweet kid with a sharp mind. Some of us just wanted to know more about him, that was all.
Yours Respectfully/Obediently serving/ Loyally yours
ROEARF( rats of elite attic rat forces)
Oh don’t we all know how lovely it is to have a Boss’s Relative as a co worker. Coming back to rats, the Elite Rats are now a days singing a new song to cope up with the disaster known as Blinkin’ Kalamiti !
The New guy is boss’s nephew
hola hola ho
so what if he ain’ gotta clue
hole hola ho
kiss his booty make him happy
or else the captain will be snappy
lets take him to drink and entertain
smile and laugh with that giant pain
hola hola ho
(Do not copy I failed my Anger Management class)

Are you Shifting ?

Those who believe in Soul mates
Come, come inside
I am happy to have found you
let’s have some tea, let’s talk
for you and I will be great friends.
I  know, I just know
and to those who don’t  believe in this magic
or any such matter at all
all I will say now is
There is, there is  my darling
such a beautiful thing called soul mate,
some find them in their spouses,
some in their friends
and some in their victims….
(waiting to be relieved of their painful miserable lives)

She was excited, had all the right reasons to be – New job, great perks, beach front house. Oh what a lovely start of this young life. And then she met him.

As the door bell rang Sara rushed in to open the door, aah she was relieved to see him, the movers and packers guy finally!

She took him for a quick tour of her house explaining how she wanted her things to be packed and shifted, openly flaunting how neat clean and organized everything was, and a bit irritated at how he silently kept taking notes.

He started with his job as focused and as efficient as always. It took him half an hour to pack her with care in a body bag and keep it in his large van.

First packet done, he ticked a box on his note.

He regretted not having enough time to explain the why to her, but he knew she wouldn’t have understood! She wouldn’t, the innumerable times he got canned for being messy….

She had to leave, he had to help her…

His superbly organized soul mate from his beautiful messy world.


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Seven scoops Budbudbuddy






BUD  6



Bafflerom Trufflecom

In the town of shakeyobum
lives a very lazy man named Tom Tum.
Lazy lazy lazy he is from head to toe
Crazy Crazy this lazy man with no friend or foe
Not that he had a lazy Dad or Mom
or was hit by a lazy bomb
or was this lazy from day one
or has being playing lazy just for fun,
he once have a very active life style
would get up early, do yoga and run for miles
But one night he was tired and late to sleep
and next day irritated by the clock’s beep
he cursed and broke the alarm clock
and after that never got up
This Thanksgiving I went to his town
and asked everyone The Smiths,The fells and The Browns
and all those who once knew him well
Julie, Robbins, Gilbert, Tim and Bell
pointed at his house and said
look at that creepy house dirty yellow with a broken gate,
There lives our ex-friend The very lazy Tom
who wont move even if attacked by the devil Zomzom.
Thinklepom, Crazycrom, Pimplehom,Jabberbom
who is this devil Zomzom ?
What if Zomzom is a dinosaur, the most dangerous one at that
or cats with bad temper who treat every lazy guy like a fish or a rat
or a crocodile or an alligator or may be a bear who is also a vampire
or a dragon who drinks lazy shakes,spews venom and breathes fire
that will be so much fun don’t you think so
a lazy guy being chased by a zombie crow
Trickipom, Sobberchomp, Maniacom or Flabbernom
Zomzom is coming, let’s  pray for the poor lazy Tom
MY FRIEND STUART ART from Change Your Life  just reported-
Poor poor lazy Tom Tum,
was in the night bit by an IdleGlum.
It was not he that chose to slouch,
around his house and on the couch.
Twas the IdleGlum’s bite that made him that way,
and that’s why he’s lazy right up to this day.
Poor poor Tom Tum.
Fear not my love for poor Tom Tum.
His soul he gave to Idleglum.
So day by day his head would say,
“I think I’ll yet be lazy today”.
And if the time for work may come;
I’ll tell the truth of old Tom Tum.
He doesn’t cry and would not whine; just lays about
and plays about and prays while on his bum.
For Idle Tom; The Old Tom Tum  has seen the heart of Idleglum
and knows that though he would be free; and live a life of use;
He needn’t worry overmuch or fret about excuse;
For Idleglum when once he bites;
Sets no man free till death; his night.
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