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Now anyone can become Filthy Rich, just call 800- Shark Bait

Yeah right! So I have a plan and instead of doing something about it, like getting rich, I blog….DUH! Davy Jones’ Locker awaits all ye Landlubbers. Read this poem instead.
once upon a time in a faraway land
lived a pirate,
his name, no one knows that,
but let’s call him Pegleg McStinky.
He wore one eye patch
his left hand was a hook
and right leg was all wood
his teeth were dark yellow and black
and he would often sing songs
write poems and look up in the sky
and ask God why o why
why was he all alone in the island,
where was the ship,
where were his pirate buddies,
why were the monkeys in the island
always attacking him,
why did pigs there bite his bum
when he tried to sleep,
what is a treasure
and where was it,
and most importantly
what to do when the stomach growls
day and night ?
He died looking for answers
and treasure in the island.
How sad and scary the story of
Pegleg McStinky
whose belly growled
excessively.
cool-cartoon-6500030
Do not steal or copy this ye Son of a Biscuit Eaters

Hey Schoo Teecha whassup

Some songs have an angry soul and to sing them properly you must have your body pierced at several places, hair dyed multiple colours, clothes borrowed from zombies and be ready to smash everything around after you have sung the song to set free the soul that is trapped in the words.
But sometimes you are not prepared for hard punk badass rock at all and the time is such that nothing else will do, in those unexpected extreme cases you can let go of rules and just do with whatever you can manage, like smash whatever, slam doors, throw water on somebody, flaunt your middle finger so much that people forget there are 4 more in that hand and sing the songs you just have to.
This is one of those and was written by a mother sitting in the school gym waiting for the school teachers to show up for a Parent-Teachers Meeting. They never did and hence this shout.
I believe every soul no matter how delicate or sophisticated it looks, has a bad ass punk side, which most of the time is in form of a cyst, throw at it some nasty capsules and see the magic. This post is what happens when the cyst breaks, enjoy or whatever…punk_rock_cock_simple_funny_wallpapers_V-s1280x800-109386-580
PTM was at Nine
and now it’s Nine Fourty
not a single teacher has come
just cleaning staff and me
R.I.P Punctuality
yay yay so bogue yay yay
do you feel the funk?
≡òó≡
wanna hit the school clock
tear the paintings on the wall
Little voices creepin’ in my head
what if no one else comes
all alone all alone
in the school gym
just cleaning staff and me
R.I.P punctuality
wou wou wou
≡òó≡
creepy nasty weird creatures
my daughter’s school teachers
what happened here today
no one told me or sent a note
meeting rescheduled next Saturday
oh my gaaaaaww… d
so wanna be in a brawl
but there is no one around
creepitee crapitee
R.I.P Punctualiteeeeeeee
≡òó≡
I wish I had a guitar
to smash on the school wall
won’t let go of the school bell
and this was why I landed in jail
the police came on tai…..um
go to hell punctuality
what are you lookin’ at
never seen a zebra flying ?
R.I.P whatever ends with ‘e’
≡òó≡
Copyright is ON and so is the fan and the light and the toaster.

THE MOVIE

There are three kinds of people in the movie making business, One who believe in Werner Herzog theory  of  “Read, read, read, read, read, read, read, read, read, read, read, read, read…if you don’t read, you will never be a filmmaker”,
Second are those who believe in what Jean-Luc Godard said  “All you need to make a movie is a girl and a gun.”  
and third are the people who believe that movie making business is all about how much one can afford. Nothing else matters, not the story, nor the cast, neither the purpose, nothing else. if you need just three people but can afford a thousand, I say take them and this applies to every aspect of film making.
keeping the third theory in mind I have come up with an excellent blockbuster movie plan. The  movie right now is on papers and nothing is finalized not even the name but I know it is going to be a big block buster and so will you when you see my plan. The reason I am sharing my ideas with you today is that I need finance which I am sure you will provide when you see what a great movie I have scripted. So without much ado I present to you
THE MOVIE
Cast and Story 1
As I have mentioned in the pic, main lead 1(some newbie) will die, but not before he comes to know that his father is not his real father, a detective tells him so. Mean while real father for whom life till now was nothing but happy hours will be tearing his hair in frustration. Grandpa who will come to know of this secret will spread the news cos he is old and has a weak bladder, but later regret( of course).There will be two guys, the neighbour who will laugh at this news because the main lead used to park his vehicle in this man’s parking area and also because this is what villains do and another ( happy man ) will laugh at this news but later be fired and he will be all- I want to kill the main lead( second villain).
 Then there will be an ass ho73 who will be here for no reason other than the fact that he is an assho73. Japanese guy , Yo guy  and the Guy in the hospital will provide much needed comic relief.
Then a man will die in pool while the other won’t , all of this will be seen and taped by a mysterious man and someone will lose his marbles.
Toondoo1
OK so as explained in the pic, lot of people will die and the gardener will be one of the main villains cos she used to work in an office but was fired cos she was too hot, so too avenge her humiliation she now wears ‘hardly anything’  and works as a gardener in the person’s house who got her fired, but the person doesn’t recognize her cos she now hardly wears anything.

also there will  be a hot girl trying to touch her toes ( a tribute to yoga) every now and then and a hot yogini who will kill the girl cos she was killing her business. Then there will be grandma who will be too happy that grandpa spilled the news and now she can finally divorce him. And the gossip girl will tell the neighbours that the main lead’s ( actress in lead role)  father in law is not the real one and the real one doesn’t want to be any part of this family and the neighbour will then come to the main lead’s house and laugh and say told ya and die.
And then there will be a dog ( not in the pic, idea hit me just now) who will kill all the villains and recognize his master who after third plastic surgery looks much better but can not see, hear or speak.
Note- there will be 13 songs, two with the ‘hardly wearing anything’ gardener and three with hot yoginis and the fight sequence between hot yogini and the girl trying to touch toes will be, once a hit,now forgotten dance form called The Snake Dance.
also there will be a song where the dog will emote the lines through his eyes and the people of the island will cry and try to fix the plane and carve a tunnel in the mountain with bare hands and eat rotting bodies.
Rest of the songs will be wherever we can put them
wish you all a great week ahead and those who wish to sponsor kindly mail me at matasoma@emptypoket.com or call 1800-whose-spleen-is-that.
 This post is protected by voodoo spells.

Merino’s Bahh

Hello fellow Earthlings. How are you people doing, still pushing each other to get in the lift first or may be fighting for/over  some piece of land! Well good for you, keep up the fight because you are clearly going to live forever.
Me!! umm not so, cos I know I will be going back to my home planet  Zazaburra soon, where no one is born and no one dies, we are just a planet full of small Glow worms spreading light through our bums and singing the bumbum glee songs.
bumbum glee bumbum glee
my bum is twinkling
oh can’t you see
oh can’t you see
why can’t you see
I am a bumbum glee……oh such a beautiful song
More about me and the song in some other post,some other day when it is not raining so much and I can think clearly without having spiders, snakes and zombies taking refuge under my bed and making all kinds of noise.
For today’s post I would like all of you to meet Merino, my new pet cartoon sheep. Why Cartoon, do you ask?
Well for one I live in this huge small building and that I know is no place to raise a real Sheep and second I heard Merino is a blogger. Tell me friends, is there anything better than a cartoon sheep who blogs!!!
And I admit ( with sheepish grin) having a pet minus the feeding, cleaning after, sounded so heavenly when I adopted Merino.
 You see I am not a potted plant kind of person. I have tried many a times but failed miserably every time to keep the plants green and/or alive. And one of my friends who works at the Hilbilitoopoo state something asylum told me Meds, Straitjackets and the padded white rooms are keeping me from loving plants and hence I should not be keeping a pet. And yet I found a pet to pamper in this huge small building, isn’t it incredible!
Me and Merino
Back to Merino, as I told you earlier, he is a blogger.
He named his blog ‘The Bleating Log’
( Merino somehow got this idea that BLOG is short for Bleating Log and nothing I said could convince him otherwise)
Today I am sharing one of his poems, hope you like the poem and encourage Merino to write more :)
~Unraveling at seams~
I  had a bad dream last night
I dreamt that I was beautiful
crimped and elastic staples
lovely Kemp, beautiful fleece
and then came those nasty things
nasty things called human beings
they reared me
they sheared me
and took all my wool away
now I look weird
now I look weird
Those clothes, those sweaters
they are all me
they are all me
and I want discount from Macy’s
Unraveling at seems

Unraveling at seams

~thank you
Copyright 2013@BleatingLog
and before I leave you wondering about twinkling bums picturing me and the awesomeness that will be, let me tell you Merino is a huge fan of Stuart Art. There is nothing STU can’t do, says Merino and here is what Stu had to say about Merino’s poem-

The Bleating Log

Met a leaping dog

On his way to herd

‘Creak’ said the log

For it had no mouth

And the dog simply barked

Which meant ‘Merde!’

It was a French dog.

~Stuart Young~

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