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The Scars inside

how many times can you brush it off
the rude behaviour,the harsh voice
the scathing tones
still sympathising
I know him,he didn’t mean it
oh he is a bit rude
but has a clear heart
he is going through rough times
he did say sorry
how many times
did you….
Clutter talk
“oh you are too sensitive
why do you hold on to my words
i didn’t mean it
stop twisting things around
there you go again
told you you will fall
why do you make so many mistakes
why did you give me this chance
if you wanted you could have done so much more
what do you do all day long
if you were doing it the right way from the beginning
why did i find so many faults
give me this, bring me that
it is your duty,grow up
stop giving me excuses i have had enough
nothing is in its place
so what i couldn’t see things just in front
stop talking right now
and don’t interfere when i talk
you are good for nothing ,useless
 and still i am here
i don’t hit you ever
i am not like any other man
i take care of your needs
but you don’t deserve me at all”

why when who where what
endless questions
and curfew on your talk
how much of it will you take
how much should you….
how long will you let your ears and soul bleed
how long will you let them scar you inside
that next time you have been waiting for sista
has come and gone
when will you stand..
when will you voice your voice..
[Studies show that more women experience emotional abuse than physical violence. 35% of all women who are or have been in married or common-law relationships have experienced emotional abuse. In comparison, 29% of women have been physically assaulted by their male partners.
Forms of emotional abuse include dominance, humiliation, isolation, degrading self-worth, interrogation, name-calling, yelling, threats and coercion, intimidation, threatening harm on household pets and blaming abuse on the victim.  It can manifest in outright public verbal abuse or in abuse as subtle as economic control, which entails monitoring finances, withholding access to accounts and not allowing the victim to attend work or school.
The list of psychological effects of emotional abuse is tremendous, with the major diagnosed psychological disorders being anxiety, depression, PTSD, substance abuse, eating disorders and suicide.  Self-blame, embarrassment, diminished self-worth, feelings of extreme dependence and defenselessness are all born of emotional abuse]

About Soma Mukherjee

I often say things that put me in a jam, Jams go well with Buttered Toasts, Toasts are great hosts, Ghosts not so much, Although they can dance, Not all dancers are serial killers, Serial killers do not use Body bags that often, body bags aren't leak proof, Proof is in the Pudding.

101 responses »

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  2. Wonderful Post Soma! Example of emotional abuse we can see everywhere but the need of hour is to raise voice. No one can come to rescue until or unless women in abusive relationship fight for her right…..this is a very sensitive issue and bring awareness to this issue in itself a big step.

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  4. Wonderfully written…such an important message. Thank you Soma ~ Much Love ~

  5. Powerful words. Beautifully written. This is an common issue in the society. You are doing great work by creating awareness with your writing in such a wonderful way.

  6. Oh yes we all know someone who is living this hell. Powerful post Soma.

  7. This imparts an excellent focus on such a difficult issue. Many people live with a disordered outlook which manifests in various ways, often as the result of their own sufferings. Great post, Soma!

  8. Hello Soma! Have a beautiful Sunday

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  10. Excellent post and poem, Soma, on a horrible subject we all wish didn’t even exist! I commend you for bringing more awareness to us and many hugs and blessings, too! You are truly a beautiful soul sista! xoxoxo

  11. This a a brilliant posting that offers a reality,
    and the truth that hurts so many women, why
    is it that their so called loved one’s inflict such
    terror on a daily basis? 😦

    Those men are just downright losers, and bullies 😦

    Thank you for adding this awareness, as it certaily
    adds a glimpse into the lives of many downtrodden
    women made to feel worthless by these creeps…

    Have a lovely friday Soma 🙂 😉

    Androgoth XXx

  12. Dear Soma,
    Your words are so true and so straight from the heart, I do hope you will be a published author of all these insightful writings…Bravo, you’re truly gifted 🙂

  13. My comments won’t do justice to this piece. Your work affects people like most blogs wish they could. Amazing job yet again.

  14. Blood-Ink-Diary

    My dear Somi, no words can express my feelings after reading your brilliantly written poem. You have a raw angst that I completely endorse for abuse – the poem has done justice by creative protest. Keep penning Somi. And, by the way – kahan ho – no sighting of you on my silly one?! Hugs to Nitu & you!

  15. WordsFallFromMyEyes

    OH, don’t I GET this one. Great words, Soma.

    I didn’t know statistics but it does not surprise. A really excellent post, Soma.

    • Oh Man you sure do…how can i not know that…you are one hell of a fighter Noeleen….real inspiration..keep the fire burning sista..cos you are doing it right
      am so proud to be your friend
      Love ya 🙂

  16. It’s really unfortunate that these things still go on, especially towards women, despite all the progress that’s been made. But the world could be a much better place if we all were more careful of what we say sometimes.

  17. Beautifully written

  18. lived it, left it, lived it again…ironically, received a text tonight from one who had me in such a box for so long. Many hate that I reconnected years later, but I am now in power, not him & I keep a distance but not a hatred. peace, dear writer, it is all we can strive for some days ~

  19. ““oh you are too sensitive
    why do you hold on to my words
    i didn’t mean it
    stop twisting things around”

    I often feel I take words far too personally, and when people do speak hurtful things, I find it hard to let them go. I have often wished for thicker skin, but it would be nice if we all were more compassionate in our speech. Beautiful work, my friend

  20. OMG, this is a much need post, Soma! My ex husband was one for emotional abuse. I got out of there, as you know and was glad my daughter was strong, too. I wrote a blog about it awhile back. The man I’m engaged to has done so much for my spirit 🙂 I am lucky I am with him and that he totally understands. Some women never get free, I wish that no other woman would ever go though this! Makes me really angry, I agree, spreading the word on EA is very important!! 🙂 Such a super post Sista 🙂 HUGS

    • Autumn you are such a brave spirit …a survivor and what you did is so commendable..very few have the courage to get out of EA relationships ..more often than not we women try to mend things,often end up blaming ourselves.finding excuse for the one tormenting us….
      You have shaped Alyssa’s life so beautifully..she has her mothers courage in her blood and she will deal with this world far better than we did…
      Hugs n love

  21. That is some very heavy writing my friend, so full of truths about a subject that affects many females, may I add that it also affects some males as well, I have known emotional abuse and can say that it is sometimes worse than physical abuse, I hope you dont mind if I forward this post onto a friend of mine.
    I wish you much love and happiness

  22. Soma, this was so well written and so very spot on and sadly what’s happening in the world. I know this topic needs much attention and I surely do applaud you in tackling this one! Autumn and I have a friend who is going through the emotional abuse, so this post was ringing so true. I wrote a post about this friend in trouble, too because she so needs out of this horrible siuation. We haven’t posted it yet since I just wrote it last night. Words can hurt so much and no woman needs to go through this, wonderful post Soma! Hugs

    • Thanks Gabby…more often than not women keep quiet and suffer sometimes cos they are scared and othertimes cos they may have seen their mothers or aunts go through the same and think its normal…its sad and women need to know this is not ok ….an attack on their soul in any form is not ok…

  23. Women in many cultures put up with this horror as part of their daily lives. Interestingly, many of the men who perpetrate this, wear a public face of piety.

    Good post Soma dear.

    Big hugz, Eric

    • true specialy in our country where most women are hurting suffering but take it as part of normal married life…lack of awareness and support groups add to it..
      Thanks Eric

  24. It seems I haven’t heard from you in a few days. I have missed that.
    The poetry was wonderful and hurtful; it brought back some memories of similar things in a life long past. I am not that person anymore, but still remember and relive small bits of it.
    Of course, that’s what writing’s for – to bring back memories and help you live.

    • I know and am sorry but reading and commenting on some 300 blogs is taking a lot of time…am trying 🙂

      • 300! Wow! And I thought my 26 was a lot.
        You just do what you need to do. I was just a little concerned as to either your health or that I had said something bad to upset you. Glad to know that neither is the problem. You are just a super worker!

  25. Soma, I indeed hug you today in words for your most effective recognition of this common problem of we ladies undergoing verbal abuse–and sometimes from just any old guy who happens along, just because we are females. Thank you, dear sister!

    • Thanks Granbee it is a male centric society and we have to create awareness and support each other…
      at the same time work on the bullies whatever their age or gender

  26. this is brilliant, Soma, and this sounds like things i hear every year from moms in my classroom…

  27. love it… brilliant work Soma..!!!! God Bless.. 🙂

  28. Soma dear, right from the title, image and poem everything is just superb, you touched the topic so brilliantly, very moving, love you. ( i posted comment in the morning but it is not here don’t know why)

  29. It’s amazing how some can say “I love you,” and then steal the self worth from another. Love gives meaning, and life, and self-worth. How easy it is to say “love.” It has no cost to say, no consequence. But to really love, that costs everything, and how rare it is to find.

  30. blind dark ugly face of mortal control,
    passed down from the animal of darkness –
    so close, yet so far
    from the light…

  31. That image was disturbing and spot on.

  32. Soma to temat ,który dotyczy całej kuli ziemskiej,w Polsce była akcja boję się bo przypałiłam zupę,podniesiona ręka na kobietę,wiesz przez jakiś czas pomagałam kobietom,które były ofiarami przemocy………

  33. Such great and painful imagery, It is the velvet glove around a hammer of truth, and you wield it so well. Thank you for the message.

  34. Thank you for posting this, Soma. As well as those statistics. Way too prevalant, isn’t it? I wish that we could progress as human beings at the rate we’ve progressed technologically. With all our toys and gadgets and convenience, we are unable to cope emotionally or to communicate in healthy ways with those closest to us. Might is still right. Money and power rule, often forcefully, within households and among countries. But i’ll stop here…You have a good week.

    • its is much much worse in countries like India..completely male centric one not even other women help each other cos what would thier men say…
      police sents back the women dont even register an F.I.R and discourage anyone who tries to cut the chains
      horrible and we have to make noise ..some real loud one till every brain registers the ugly facts and works on improvement

  35. Excellent posting, Soma! There are so many being abused verbally and physically buy these weak minded bullies.
    You are a wonderful person, Soma! I love ya! Hugs xx

    • so true Deb and unless there is a proper support group for helping out the victims it will keep flourishing…not just understand your worth but understand that what is happening to you is not normal…so many women keep taking all the abuse cos that is how they have seen their mothers aunts around that has to change too..

      Thanks Deb
      love ya 🙂

  36. Well said … and I will the world had more kindness and sincerity. BTW – the opening image set the tone.

  37. Amazing Soma ………
    Thanks for raising awareness on a topic soooooo hidden in this world ……
    it can be so subtle – you are so right – that no one
    not even the one that will hold that inner scar can see
    until much later …..

    This must of been incredibly difficult to write
    i can feel the pain …..
    but liberating as well ……

    You are an educator and a heart activist …..
    I love you very much
    and this is one of the reasons i got divorced – so long ago ……
    thank you for shedding light light light
    in a poetic way ……….
    emotional abuse leads to all those symptomatic qualities and more
    lack of trust with the opposite sex
    and a very real feeling of isolation

    and what we do with those inner scars – well –
    it’s all an individual thing ….right ?
    i choose to live my life forward >>>>
    in hope always
    in softness always
    even if it means ——- living in softness to tune it a llllll out ……………

    I am so proud to call You my friend ……..
    I love you so much and i believe in You
    i always will xoxoxoxo
    You know it ………….Cat

    • Cat there is a reason why I call you a Diva..
      not just cos you weave brilliant music,
      not just cos you have an angel heart
      but cos you are a survivor….
      a fighter,a brave spirit
      who have had more that her share of hurdles
      and not only she crossed them
      she was successful in keeping her heart and soul soft and intact….
      you are an inspiration cat
      and the best model for women around to see and learn
      Love ya 🙂

      • Soma Star ………
        I love you
        then i am gonna call You a Diva too 🙂 xo
        because you have risen above ,,,,,,,,,,,
        and you fight the good fight for all the people that can’t speak their hearts ……
        I wish i were closer to you – country wise …,. I would love to do stuff together to raise awareness on causes we believe in
        – Your activism – Is Pure ……….
        and You have really kept the child inside your heart alive alive alive ….
        I love you for a ton of reasons ……….

        and the biggest most beautiful reason is YOUR HEART ,,,,,,,,,
        i had been an activist for like 5 years – peace activist and traveled the world – made videos for peace – the Dalai Lama – Arun Gandhi – M Gandhi’s Grandson –
        and you know what – It’s taxing on the heart ….
        But in the end – It’s worth it …..
        because we leave the world with the love we leave behind – that’s it and that’s all 🙂
        You know how music is a giant piece of my heart ….well
        when i got divorced in 2007 – i got a burst of freedom in my veins —— and i decided that i wanted to make a tiny diff,,,,,,,
        and this is the song that started me off ……..
        in 2007 – after all the love in my marriage had gone
        I SAID …
        it’s time ………
        This is a great song and i hope you can view it over there ……
        let me know

        Love you
        for making a difference in so many lives
        and in my life you touch my heart each day
        and i wish i could show you how i feel – about you
        because you have that warrior heart that will never ever stop ………
        I love you In Your softness child like heart and the warrior you are
        all of you xoxoxoxoxo

        ps- i used to rant and rave a lot about my parents too – how spiritually blind they were – but i am over that now ….:) !!!!!!!! lol xx
        because love is unconditional
        because love is the only every thing that matters in this life .

        • Such a powerful illustration to illustrate verbal abuse ! The ugly and hateful comes out clearly.

          • Thanks Carl ,recently came across one NGO which works for EA victims and they wanted me to work for them ,i couldnt because of time crunch but promised to spread the word around as much as i can..
            this image helped me with the write up

          • Soma’s
            There is no hate there
            activism is a completely different thing
            It’s called Raising awareness on topics
            that sometimes – are swept – very tidily under a rug so no one can see ..
            Soma’s poem breathed life and hope into it .
            She did fantastic work .
            I suport her activism – 100%.

            • Soma ……..!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I know How busy you are …….
              I feel it my sweet – can You write me on email when you can a tiny chance
              i don’t know where yours is ……?
              I love you and have been thinking of u non stop ……

              sending prayers and prayers of strength and again so happy to call You – My friend xx
              Mine is on the gravatar thing – 🙂
              and i just wanna write you something = i love you xoxoxoxo

  38. Well said Soma. This behaviour has to stop, and it starts with women saying NO, I won’t be treated this way. Many cultures around the world see this as ‘normal’ – but it’s NOT! Bravo.

  39. I was sick reading this, means you did so well. Emotional / Verbal Abuse is so common and so often ignored not just by the victim but also by those that observe it. So often we are willing to accept our own diminished soul for unfaithful love.

    Thank you for bringing this to light. You are wonderful.

    • And a very large percentage of women who do go out to report abuse to police are turned away and told to work on it…not to bring issues like these in public..just imagine where do they then go….
      Its a male centric society and for a woman to get heard is one herculian task

      • It truly is the same everywhere though worse some places than others. Certainly in the Eastern nations it remains a secret left untold except by those brave enough to stand up and whisper.

  40. Very sad, but true. Great job with this post and raising awareness, Soma!

  41. Yes, very well written, Soma!

  42. wow..,great words…

  43. Hi Soma, very well written again about a difficult, disturbing subject and one which must be fully understood and dealt with.

    • Yes David and there are so many factors that influence her decision to keep quite…one should take them under consideration before offering a solution
      thanks David

  44. naice…

    isn’t the pic u have added, edited in picasa 3 ?? 🙂

  45. well written.. scars inside remain always .. whatever they are small or big.. we humans are so evil I tell you, we are supposedly the intelligent and what not specie but the amount of problems we have brought and the amount of evil we do is terrible..

    I mean look at animals they live so peacefully and they have better intelligence then us for sure ..

    lot of point you have mentioned scars can be physical – mental too its what we say or what we do that can also leave a lot of scars on a person …

  46. Well written..!

    Scary to some men’s self worth can be as low as they see it as a mission in life to destroy self worth of other people… ;-/

  47. The topic itself says so many things…yes these are the scars inside, worse than the scars on the outside. It hurts, it aches, and it makes one cry. Emotional abuse churns the soul inside and injures a woman like nothing does I suppose.

    Very well written, Soma. I always admire you for the topics you choose to pen down your thoughts. Another one from your basket that makes me feel I am a proud follower of Somkritya.

    Love and Hugs. 🙂

  48. Midnighthues

    Very true Soma! Sometimes women are helpless and become co -dependent in this abusive condition due to emotional, economic familial pressures. Yet another poignant topic in verse; you have done an awesome job. Take care.

    • Thank you so much Aparna…it is more scarring than any other form and has to be brought to light again and again till women understand their worth and men are scared to even attempt demeaning any one

  49. very well penned !! Thanks for spreading awareness about EA, it is so common,we all need to read this


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