In the beginning there was nothing and God said let there be light,but when the lights were switched on God saw a lot of Indians roaming around. It was shocking cos He had Adam and eve in his mind, but Indians had totally foiled his plans of launching those two people.
He asked the Indians what are you doing here and how did you come here before I could send my people..to which one of the highly intellectual and well read Indian replied..excuse me God but we have more that 100 gods,why would we wait for you to send Adam and eve??
And this is how The Indian supremacy over the world began, so whenever i hear people saying oh Indians stole our jobs I say..what rubbish, more gods,more rights, which part is not clear?Indians were on this planet much much before Americans,English people and all other dubbed movie language people( like french,spanish) arrived from mars and venus.
And since we came early we also had time to compartmentalize gods like god for education,god for money,god for rain..we even have god for marriage..that is the reason why we are getting married all the time and have such a huge population..why we have god for that too,i mean to have kids..we have god for everything…and also we have had enough time to develop our third eye…
( A note to people making fun of Indians – you guys with one God puhleease we were performing miracles when you were learning to make fire)
Now many Gods also means many God-men too right..no not the ones in temples,but the self-proclaimed ones..who after trying everything under the sun have finally understood they were sent here to con people
BTW Con is a bad word for English people and other dubbed movie language people not for us..here we take pride in conning.
After almost 39 years on this planet I finally understood all the why’s and what’s too and so I have decided to rename my self MATA SOMA and booked a big hall which will be known as —
THE THIRD EYE OF MATA SOMA HALL..
here I will meet my devotees, listen to their grievances and bless them.
It really is very simple and easy and if you want to know more and join me later in my pledge to spread love and money as far as possible,why you have come to right place.I have been watching all the babas and matas closely for quite sometime and am sure I know everything.
Here are some examples of how I will solve the problems
Devotee 1– Mata I am 29-year-old and not getting married. have met four girls and all of them rejected me,now even the milk man makes fun of me . what should I do ??
Mata(me): tell your milk man he was a donkey in his previous life and order him to bray and then distribute red framed sunglasses to all the girls in neighbourhood for free. with in a month you will get married.
Devotee 2: Mata I am 49-year-old and still very poor and my boss pays me peanuts what to do?
Mata: Hmm this will require special blessings..put some money in that mans pocket( could be you if you join me 🙂 ) and offer 5 litres of peanut oil to your boss. he will increase your salary.
Devotee 3: Mata I am 78-year-old and still no child( at this point lot of gasps will be heard but not because she is old trying to have kid but because how useless is a woman who cannot bear a child)
Mata: come here child you need a hug…( my devotees will sing matas hug destroying the bug song)now tell me child I will ask..why do I see a cow around you…
Devotee3 : no mata I don’t have a cow
Mata: no there is a cow, may be your parents have had it
Devotee: no mata no one in our family has ever had a cow
Mata what rubbish your ancestors were always living in city or what….somewhere between cave men and modern man one of your ancestors had a cow….
Devotee: speechless
Mata: donate two cows of same blood line as the one your ancestors had to a poor man and with in a month you will have a child.
Devotee: but Mata where will I find a cow of same bloodline
Mata: where there is a will there is a cow
impressive haan
all i need is a few indians to be my people…you know wearing some special outfit and do good PR and get me a prime time slot on television…
Phoren people, my friends in need, please help me out here I will get a lot of popularity if i will have some of you guys as my followers..also you can write about the blessing that i am and the miracles that i perform, in your blogs 🙂
If you read the tags you will find parenting,cos by doing this you will be setting up an excellent example for your kids too 🙂
A suggestion to wordpress people please understand Baba is not babes and do not try to correct my spelling everytime…its very Racist 😯
kindly contact me asap at my email id_ matacon@thirdeye.com
Thank god, earlier on I only said I am your fan and not your devotee. I wonder what you’re like when you are not fooling around.
oh nooooo man this sucks
if only you had said you were a devotee , could have used you , no chance now haan 😦
Ah well, had I known (or if I know) what it means to be used, I would accordingly respond!
Soma Mata, my cow is sick what should I do? She will not drink peanut oil any more, should I feed her some cash instead.? I’ve heard that cash cows are the way forward these days… but I am just a lowly employee working in a factory that makes suppositories, barely able to make ends meet… your blessings would be deeply appreciated Soma Mata – also I have an itchy spot in my left armpit….
Your devoted follower
T.H.E. Spear-King
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Elmediat sent me. I’m glad he did! Very funny!
Thank you Syncopated eyeball,
Mata is a big fan of phoreners
free blessings 🙂
Thanks so much for this enlightenment. My troubles are lighter all ready.. I will chant Bo-Na_NA in your honor because your insight is so appealing. I will remember to use the Fork. May the cow be with you. 😀
Ah i knew my child…mata loved you chanting just remember to chant in south west corner of your house,May cow be with you too 🙂
very funny
Any one liking this post or writing good things is getting 3 free blessings…congrats 🙂
As a phoreigner, I wholeheartedly applaude your quest to receive “likes.” I’ve also decided to take some of your advice. I’m off to buy peanut oil for my boss. I’ll keep you updated on my success! 🙂
Thank you Daniel.its always great to meet someone who gets you 😉
please do offer that oil to your boss something about peanuts.. Bosses just are crazy about them 🙂
Girl! You rock!
OMG that was blasphemous. Jai Mata Soma of the third eye fame! 😉
Did you call my sincere efforts to help the world blasphemy!!
no free blessings
Soma, you are a born comedienne, you know! I can scarcely type for belly-laughing (that is the kind of chuckling that protrudes right out through the third eye, you know!) You make a very fine baba!
Thanks Rose am glad you liked it..I am now seriously contemplating being mata my full time job…and why not 😉
Hilarious Mata Soma! Dhanya ho gaye hai aapke dhivya shakti ( Humor) se mathe!!
😆 Aparna what can I say Mata knows everything..free blessings my child..eat yellow and white biscuits first thing in the morning all will be well 😆
Thanks Aparna 🙂
Jai Mata Soma Ki! *Falls on feet and does a sashthang for blessing us all with this howlarious post! 😆
Arey bas Mata ko bhakto ko aashish dene mein hi sukh milta hai..just donate some jewellery in mata’s fund and recieve super blessings and hugs 🙂
Interesting and intriguing Soma~ Thanks dear, Deborah
Delighted to have stumbled onto your blog Soma Mata 🙂 Just read this out to my husband and we are ROFL 🙂 LOVED that bold bedding banner 🙂 Awesome post, keep it up.
Ah see the mysterious ways of God,he brought you to Mata..and since mata is happy so three free blesssings My Child….. take showers on north east side of your house and keep the front doors open at all times..soon you shall be touched my Mata’s free blessings 🙂
Thanks Madhu 🙂
Oey Soma ! Jai mataaaaaaa !!!!! Too funny yaar! Wow, I am in total sliptzzz!!!!! Mata Somi ki Jai ho! love ya sis.
Shaheen jyondi rah puttar Mata hai hi kamal ki 😆
Peele rang ke kapde pahno jald hi tarrakki hogi 🙂
Vande Mataram! Mata Somi ! Sahi jaa rahe hum ! 🙂
Oh Soma…you make me laugh so. How can people argue about God anyway. You’re brilliant, my dear!
Hugs, xx
Deb people should always argue about something …More you argue and fight more you look intellectual…you see..Mata knows everything 😆
Am so glad you liked it …Love ya ..
Soma dear – now you out done even yourself LOL!
Reminds me of the 3 holy men (a Christian, a Jew and a Hindu) who argued about whose god/s is the most powerful…
Anyway, you gave me such a great laugh to start the week with. Love this story Soma – Oops! Sorry! Soma Mata 🙂
Ahh you saved yourself by correcting your mistake child…Mata happy ,blessing all,for free can you believe it 😆
I don’t normally reply to a reply – but feel compelled to…
You are sooooooo funny. If I could, I would give you a great big hug. What a good laugh, I’ve had.
Thank you, thank you, thank you Mata 🙂
Wisdom compartmentalized…rock on, oh reverent sage! 🙂
Thanks George but do not call Mata a sage cos Sage would mean living a simple life….whereas Mata is mordern she sits in airconditioned room and blesses 🙂
Excellent point, Mata! 🙂
Oh, Mata Soma, I bow (and smile) after reading your delightful post, yet, I always knew you were a Goddess, so that came as no surprise to me! Hugs (oh, and bows, again) dear Goddess Soma! 🙂 xo
Oh free blessing to you too..Mata is happy to get such lovely word hugs…
Thanks Lauren you are a sweetheart ..thanks for being such a good sport 🙂
WORD HUG …..! XO
WHAT STUCK WITH ME MOST
“Compartmentalize gods”
YOU ALWAYS LEAVE ME THINKING
AND SMILING
🙂
LOVE YOU SOMA XO
Thank you so much Cat its true we have caged/compartmentalised every thing we ever liked or loved….
Am glad you liked it
Love ya 🙂
I SOOOOOOOO DO AND BELIEVE WE DO THIS – UNCONSCIOUSLY – CONSCIOUSLY –
I HAVE NO IDEA HOW THAT PART OF THE BRAIN WORKS – BUT YOU REALLY GOT ME THINKING OF THIS TOPIC OF PUTTING THINGS/ IDEAS / NOTIONS – WHATEVER WE HAVE – IN COMPARTMENTS –
AS OOPSED TO FULL INTEGRATION ……….
HAVE YOU EVER READ KEN WILBER ?
THINK YOU MAY REALLY DIG HIM ………
JUST YOUTUBE HIM – IF YOU HAVE A CHANCE .,………..
REALLY INTERESTING STUFF ……
LOVE U XOXOXOXOXOOXO
Jai Mata Soma… Jai Mata Soma…
Mata, I am almost dying here laughing, but my wish is that you make yourself immortal!
Jai Mata Soma!!
😆 Jeete raho mata is happy that you are laughing ..and extra happy with that wish…so free blessing for you 🙂
Thanks a ton 🙂
Brilliant! I fully endorse your Mata-hood. How shall I show my devotion? A certain color?
Red.
Ha ha ha ya why not Red is good colour …Mata’s blessings will touch you as soon as you wear a red gown via god of flowers 🙂
Got! Just need to clip the tags on it. Perhaps, it shall be the dress for going to market tomorrow! 😉
Red.
I loved the post—I especially the phrase, “dubbed movie language people!”
😆 Thanks George
Fantastic! I never know where you will lead me down the path, but I always love the journey. Oh, great Soma, tell me I am a 43 year old woman with a fear of the sky. What shall I do?
Loved the cow, and all of your clever answers, and the truth behind the humor, too.
What do you mean there isn’t only one God and one way of seeing the world??? That can’t be.
I will be your follower, you silly goose.
My eyes are tired, but had to visit you, today. Hugs you talented divinity. Sam
OMG did you call The Mata a silly goose!!!!\How dare thee 😯
Mata’s anger will reach you in form of arrows via God of anger….Mata very red and green now…
Pardon me Great Mata. I was calling the mortal body of Soma a Silly Goose. I lay roses at the feet of Mata.
Man, you’re straight-up Soma. I did not know (sorry, not extensively schooled) that Indians were the originals. I know, in Australia, Aborigines were here well before the English arrived to “civilise” the “savages”. Hell. It just goes on & on in history, doesn’t it.
If you go on my page & see any comment from Bryan Hemming, visit his blog because he’s telling at this time how the Kalahari Bushmen are at risk of being wiped out. ‘Wiped out’. What an expression, but eloquent it is.
I sense you experience racism? I know Baba isn’t a misspelling. You’re very strong in who you are, and that is always a joy to see.
xx (& great to put ‘parenting’ in the tags)
Aah what can I say that i havent already…..we Indians survived ice age too but no one would talk about it..how racist is that…This post should be added to Wikipedia ..
Thanks Noeleen 🙂
Hi,
A fantastic post, I loved it. A Goddess, who knew. 😀
I smiled as I was reading, so very well written.
Mata has been following your blog and you didnt know ..how cool has mata been so far haan….but then mata needs money too you know…
Thanks Mags am glad you enjoyed reading this 🙂
hugs n love 🙂
Wow! I’ve been with a Goddess all this while without knowing :). You must bless me Goddess Soma! :). By the way, Nice piece!
All this while and you never knew!! OMG!! didnt you find me heavenly divine or somthing….It happens these are the times when God needs good PR…
Thank yo so much:)
I kinda did, but wasn’t sure until now 🙂
i’m glad i met you!
David in Maine USA
I know David meeting me must have been the highest point cos how often does one meet a Mata 😆
Thank you so much 🙂
Chinta ta Korbo Na 🙂 Mata Soma is at work !! love and hugs ♥
ha ha ha oho Madam ki darun bangla jaanen aapni…dhonyobaad 🙂
hugs 🙂
Another so laugh out loud and fun post Mata Soma! 😉 🙂
OMG you called me Mata ….you have made mata so happy Mata sends you special blessings vis god of clouds…soon some blessings in form of sparkling rays will touch you and bless you 🙂
i bow and kiss the feet of the goddess soma.
😆 you are so funny Rich….ha ha thanks for the support 🙂
wait. a goddess thanked me? am i blessed? i think so.
😆
And I bow too, at your feet, goddess Soma. Bless us.
Soma, beautiful write with a lot of truth in it! I can laugh because one side of my family has its roots in Asia, hundreds of thousands of years ago per DNA tests, Druze! Much joy in reading your post!
am Glad you had a good laugh over it Wendell …all these babas and matas are seriously funny people trying to use whatever means to con people
Thanks 🙂
I enjoyed the post. I think I would be able to help you if we could just meet. Do you have a blessing to get one of us across the thousands of miles separating us?
Scott
Fear not fellow human now that you are willing to help let me tell you Mata has a solution for everything… 😆
Scott thank you so much i really will need some phoreners to get attention here 😆
Thanks 🙂
Wicked fun! I especially liked your point regarding outsourced jobs. I would humbly submit myself as a devotee and ask to open a hall in my backyard!
OMG Steven really..you are the best…ok see here is the plan let me fool millions here and then like deepak chopda or the babas who now spend more time there i will come over to your place and together we shall con the world 😆
You are so sweet..thanks a ton 🙂
Good Plan. I can’t wait to see the neighbors’ faces. 🙂
Soma-great post. Truths intertwined with clever writing. 🙂
Thank you so much 🙂
Hilarious, more hilarious….most hilarious!
Indeed the baba and mata mania has spread like conflagration in India…I think it is as popular as Cricket and Bollywood, and someday will make it’s way to phoren as well. 😀
I really liked your post, and I am impressed at your creativity!
Soma Mata Ki Jai. 😉 🙂
Love and Hugs.
Lopa putri sirf jai jaikaar se kuch nahi hoga yaha aakar mata ka aashirwaad lo evam mata ke saath mil kar logo ko looto..isi me jeevan ka saar hai
jai ho tumhari bhi 🙂
haha..hahah…what an interesting read, just like a humor column in any newspaper. sarcastic and way too entertaining. you pulled this one out from nowhere. esp. the first para set the tone, about Indians and their way. lol.
and I’m sure you will find phorener and all kind of followers. May be I would chance upon a life query with you, I know you have the answers.
Soma Mata ki jay ho.. khush kar diya aapne..:)
OMG Pawan I was kind of banking on you…what do you mean by May be…you have to help me out here….
Soma mata kaha hai toh thodi help bhi kar do..punya prapti hogi vats 😆
ahaha. ok.
I’m all here then to help you…:)
Oho mataji, aapka tv pe program kab aayega ? woh joh subah subah har channel pe aate hai gyaan baantne, par pataa nahi kya baant ke chale jaate hai…lol….
dhanyavaad aapka, koi prashna hoga toh avashya aapke paas hi aauga….:)
Soma, another fabulously entertaining and educational post! And indeed, here in England (Gt. Britain or whatever we are, turn into etc) and America, it does seem that we think we are the ‘older’ civilisation! India, as you say, is far older, as are the Chinese. ‘Many a true word is said in jest’ – no more so that here, Soma. Thank you for enlightening us about God/gods/higher beings/saints/Buddhas/Bodhisattvas/angels….. 🙂
Thanks David 🙂
Czytam twoje wpisy,jesteś daleko od mojego kraju-piszszesz tak pięknie o nim ,że poznaję go coraz lepiej….very nice day
😉
Thanks Krystiana 🙂
Haha, hilarious post! I met some babas, astrologers and other “spiritual-experts” when I was in India. Quite an entertaining bunch 😀
Thank you so much CZ 🙂
Oh they are entertaintment no doubt..my goodness the amount of lying and cheating that goes on….
Mata Soma can I join you, I am a phorener,because everybody in my house treats me as phorener ( my hand in every mishappening).
What an enlighten soul you are dear,can’t stop laughing. Wait there is more to come. ( you forgot about desi daaru babaji or what)
oh ho see you have to leave for Goa immidiately and drink 5 patiala shots with phorener to get rid of the curse…as for the hand draw 5 goats and gift the paiting to a newly wed all will be well
desi daaru will be our version of charnamrut 😆
Somi ,your comments and reply page is full of humour and fun. your cartoons and images make your post very lively,and mataji I’m still laughing and got ridden of my headache,thanks.
Maha Mata Mateswari devi -third eye walli-MATA SOMA JI KI jay. Mate I am blessed to have the golden opportunity and divine ASHIRWAD for being one of your 120 crores of INDIAN ms-GUIDED devotee . I solemnly affirm my total surrender in propagating your NIRMAL advice to uplift the FOOLS under your secret guidance. –yours most treacherous disciple .-bapi-the blind eye.A
ha h aha bapu what an apt reply 😆
Balak bhala hoga and since you are my very first follower you shall recieve special blessings of this Mata 🙂